Getting Older and Quitting

Hello world, it’s been a while since I’ve written anything so I guess I’ll have to bring you up to speed.

I recently turned 30 on the 6th of march. Thats right, the big “30”.

It’s actually forced me to take a good long look at myself and I’m having to accept that I’m actually getting older.

You see, I’m a big kid in a grown ups body. I read comics, can easily do nothing but play video games in my spare time and I always make excuses to not do things that I know I should, if anything because deep down I feel there’s always gonna be more time.

But what is it about having a three at the beginning of my age thats making me start to wonder how much time there really is?

I suppose i’m starting to realize that every day is another day towards the inevitable, and that I should stop wasting all these precious moments.

So I’ve decided I’m going to stop putting off things and finally make those changes I’ve been putting off for no other reason than laziness.

1: I’m am going to quit smoking. Yes I mean actually quit, not go without for a few days and then go back on them, I mean actually QUIT. I can do anything in this life, I just have to believe I can.

2: I’m going to stop hiding myself from the world and actually get out and see it again. I always found excuses not to follow my dreams, but no longer. The sky is the limit folks! I can do anything.

3: I’m going to learn to accept and love myself for who I am, because it’s occurred to me that I’m one of those people who desire validation from others to find my own self worth. I always wanted to be liked but deep down I never figured anyone would care for the real me. It all comes down to masks. We all wear them. It’s almost like adopting a persona when your in different social situations. Now I’m not saying everyone is going to get the warts and all me all the time, but it’s going to be me. Even if I have to tone it down a little bit. I’m one of those all or nothing kind of people.

4: I’m going to actually forge some meaningful relationships. I have a few close friends I can count on one hand, but I’m talking about the other relationships, mostly based on convenience or mutual need. I have friends I can party with, girls I can see if I’m feeling lonely, but it’s not really what I want anymore. I’m talking having an actual relationship with a girl. It’s funny how turning 30 has made me realize that there’s so much of life I’m missing out on. I haven’t had a actual relationship since I broke up with my last girlfriend sally early last year. I’ve had a few “encounters” but it was mostly about sexual needs and not about actually sharing myself with someone. I’ve been running away from it.

5: I’m going to do more. Read more, write more. I never feel happier than when I’m writing.

6: Get myself out of debt and actually start saving.

It’s funny the more I think about it, I’ve always known what I’ve wanted but it took getting older to realise that I had to grow up and actually DO it.

Thanks heaps for listening.

I hope you’re all happy, safe and well.

Til next time,

Adam
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