Long Time Between Posts?? Yeah I know.

Wow it’s been a long time. Again.

I keep meaning to find time to write but it’s never as simple as I thought it would be. So a long story short, I’ve been especially busy and particularily distracted.

I’ve been pretty damn lonely lately, if only because I’m determined to find someone right for me. You see, I used to deal with loneliness like most people do… Going out, getting shitfaced and hooking up with someone.

But it doesn’t ever really fill the hole inside me, i’ve decided to take a stand and risk this horrible feeling I’ve been having lately if only for a chance of meeting that special someone.

It’s the times of long term solitude that the after effects of my sex addiction become apparent. I dream everynight about things that I don’t want to. Ex girlfriends, who completely messed me up. To old long gone booty calls when I only cared about my raging libido.

I suppose what’s triggered all this feeling is that I met someone recently. She’s really fun, mad as a balloon and she touched a part of me that I hadn’t felt in a long time. And me being the impatient moron I am, got ahead of myself and pushed things too far. I didn’t want to, I’ve just been alone for so long. I kinda hate myself for doing it, but regret will only weigh me down. And I do regret how I handled it.

I guess I got my hopes up. You can’t blame me for that can ya. But in the end I don’t think she liked me like that. It’s funny, when I have relationships, girls find me sexy and funny and all that stuff. Then they get to know me, and then they want to be “friends”

I don’t really want to make friends. I’m happy enough with the people I have in my life, but I suppose in this case, as much as I want her, I don’t want her out of my life. Even tho I’m confused.

I don’t understand. We had a amazing night together and she fell asleep in my arms. Then told me it was a mistake a day later.

How am I not going to be hurt by that?

Am I being stupid having feelings for someone who doesn’t even like me? I guess it’s a waste of time… But I’ve never known anyone quite like her.

So there ya go folks. My experiance with relationships sucks but what can ya do.

I’m seriously considering radical treatment for my addiction, because it’s drive me fucking insane. I just burn extra hot compared to other ppl.

I’ll try my best to update this blog more often.

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