Time heals all wounds? It just might.

Hey y’all.

So how is everyone going today?

Well one thing i’ve noticed as of late, is that if you take the time that you need to sort your problems out, then things have a way of sorting themselves out in time. Wether the solution is something you’re satisfied with is something else entirely.

For me, the problem was finding an appropriate level of self-esteem, and finding the willingness to love myself and to allow others  to love me for me. Warts and all.

Now I can happily announce, in terms of that self-esteem aspect, I’ve found that place. Like everything else when you’re bipolar, some days are good, and some bad. And life without medication is often harder than it should be, but I don’t want to live my life relying on anything but my own self belief. I don’t need a pill, a bible, or anything else to know that I am a good person, and I deserve happiness. Happiness, like self-determination is a right of all human beings.

I dont need a girl in my life to be happy, but I wouldnt complain if the right one came along. I’m no longer defined by how others see me, so I don’t need to be dating to feel worthy of happiness. It’s a great thing, and being single for this past year was sorta what I needed. I miss the intimacy and sex like most people, but I didn’t want to feel that I had to have someone, just to find a little smidge of happiness. After spending 4 years with a sweet, kind girl who at the end of the day simply wasn’t right for me, I’ve come to discover a lot of things about myself.

What I want, and what kind of person I want to be. It’s being patient that’s the hard part.

I get lonely, but I think in the end it’ll all be worth it. Having the time and space to discover what i needed to is so important. Not just to give you that effective time inside your own head, but to come to terms with being alone. If you can’t find a happiness of sorts when you’re alone, then what’s the point in having a relationship? Because in effect, you’re using your partner as an emotional crutch. Defining you’re own self-esteem and respect on how much someone else loves you doesnt work. Sure it’s great knowing someone loves you, but what happens when they leave?

Using anyone as a crutch creates a unnecessary level of attachment, and pressure. You can’t just be you, because you have to make them happy, so in turn they can do the same. I like to think that if you’re meant to be with someone, it should just work. Nothing and no one is perfect, but on a personal level, it shouldnt have to involve a shit ton of work.

Or maybe i’m just being idealistic. That’s the exciting thing about the future, you never really know for sure!

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