Depression and Rising Above the Darkness.

Hey all,

Now onto some serious business. As anyone who knows me knows this, I suffer from Acute Depression at times, more often than I’d like to be honest. And sometimes it can be a little overwhelming. So I thought instead of writing about the depression and how it makes me feel, I’d write some of the ways I work on beating it. Sounds like a nice change of pace doesn’t it?

Image found @ http://www.motifake.com.

Sometimes the darkness can be overwhelming, and it really can feel like the whole world is resting squarely on your shoulders. But the key for me to acknowledge that as alone as it can feel, you are only alone in your pain if you choose to be. Look, I know that it’s always an instinct to stay on your own and deal with it in solitude, but for me, that only exacerbates the problem. I think all need someone, even if it’s just one person in the world who just gets it. It’s not about being given advice to fix things, it’s about trust and knowing how to talk, and more importantly, how to listen. Sometimes, all you need is to know someone cares.

I often force myself to go outside into the sun. There’s something invigorating about ray of sunshine. And combine that with some tunes on your iPod or whatever you listen to music on, it can do wonders for lifting your spirits. It does wonders for me.

Avoid drugs and Alcohol at all costs. I know this might make me sound a little hypocritical, but they never make anything better. I’ve been self meditating for a long time. Pot was to relax me, and make it somewhat numb. Booze was to break me out of my shell, so I could chase other vices (sex primarily) and using any kind of substances when you’re in a dark place only makes it worse. All the times in my life where I have attempted suicide, was when I was under the effects of these things. Now I’m not going to sit here and say, “Drugs and Alcohol are bad” because I’ve had some amazing times on both things, but it’s where your mind is at that matters. Alcohol brings out the demon in me, and that’s why I don’t really consider myself a drinker anymore. Growing up with an alcoholic also helped me reach this decision. And while sometimes, when things are at their darkest, I crave booze or drugs, I know deep down inside that it won’t help me. I never really did. It was those I consider friends that provided me the distraction, not the drugs or alcohol. Everything is okay if you ask me, but only in moderation. Don’t let it define you, because you’re still going to be you when you wake up in the morning. And nothing is going to change that.

You have to be willing to accept you’re unhappy, and ask for help. No one can do it alone, and it’s taken me almost 10 years for finally work this out. While I still have my moments where I can’t be around anyone, I know  that talking does wonders. It’s just getting those feelings off your chest, and finally being able to externalize what is primarily an internal matter. And it also can help you become closer to people, and for a level of understanding to be established.

Medication does wonders for some people. I’m actually considering it myself. I’ve been on and off antidepressants my whole life. I’ve never found a tablet that has been the missing piece to the puzzle. Mostly, the tablets do nothing at all, or make me completely and utterly numb. Which to me is worse than death. I’d rather die than be apathetic about anything.

Avoid music that makes you sad. I too have at times, enjoyed wallowing in misery. Whenever I listen to “No Surprises” by Radiohead, it takes me to a place where I could end my life with ease, and no regret. And it’s a beautiful song. So I don’t listen to it when I’ve depressed. Music really is the barometer for my moods. Most people know exactly how I’m feeling by what I’m listening to. Even if I don’t admit it when they ask.

Embrace the little things that bring you joy. Wether it be a video game, or a good book, or even something as simple as an orgasm, embrace the things that make you’re life that little bit brighter. The problem a lot of people have is they are always looking for an external source to “save them from themselves” and I’m as guilty of this as the next guy. But for me I enjoy flirting, I love getting to know people, and I love my books, comics, music, video games and my friends. These are the things that brighten my day, and I’d really be lost without them.

Try not to obsess about the things you feel are missing in your life. For me it’s mostly intimacy and companionship. I’ve been single for over 3 years now, and I haven’t been intimate in over 2 years now. It’s hard not to think about that, because I get lonely, like everyone else does. But what I take heart in knowing is that I can’t share my body or my heart with just anyone. It means that it has to mean something, which in turn makes it special. I had to break away from exes, and those whom I care for in that way, but I cannot have. We can’t help how we feel, but I have trouble moving on. I always have.

So I try to just cut them out. I’m talking deleting numbers, removing them from Facebook. Sometimes you have to even stop seeing mutual friends. Because remembering can often make you think about them and miss them and I can’t move on if I miss someone.

Sometimes loving someone isn’t enough. Hollywood and the Greeting Card industry have lied to us all along. Love isn’t just a feeling, it’s an obsession of sorts. You could have the greatest relationship in the world with someone, but if they aren’t willing to meet you half way, or only contact you when other people make them feel bad, just to cheer themselves up, it’s all a form of emotional abuse. And you all deserve someone awesome who loves you for you, and not for any alteriour motives. Sometimes saying goodbye is the hardest thing of all, but it’s the only way to move on sometimes.

Someone special in your life can help so much, but if you have a hole in your heart or soul that only they fill, the hole is still there, and you notice it especially when they’re gone. Don’t sell yourself short for anyone, no matter how much you love them. Don’t wait for anyone, for you’ll only look back and regret all the time you wasted on someone who obviously never wanted you in the first place. Find your own happiness, and embrace it. Life’s too short to wait for anything. And no one, I don’t care how special they are, are worth suffering over.

A whole world lies out there, waiting for you to embrace it.

Image found @ http://theviewfromheresusan.blogspot.com

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2 thoughts on “Depression and Rising Above the Darkness.

  1. Some brilliant advice here. Your comment on music being a barometer for your mood really struck home. When I was younger my flatmates used to say they could gauge my stress levels by the music I was playing, Queen – I was stressed, Classical – I was really stressed, Queen loud enough that I couldn’t hear people knocking on my door -probably best to leave me alone for at least an hour. Oddly Queen has always calmed me, apparently when I was a baby they would put me in a room with my uncle who was playing Queen loudly and I would fall asleep. At times I have also had to ask friends not to play music with a heavy fast beat around me as it can make me extremely agitated and angry. Strange how strong an effect music can have. Maybe I should use that more to my advantage.

    • I love the effect that music has on me. I have songs that can cheer me up or drive me even more into misery. It depends on what sort of mood I’m in. Queen always cheers me up unless I’ve been drinking and somebody to Iove comes on haha. Glad you liked the blog.

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