Mission Accomplished???

Hey guys…

Well let my start by putting it simply. I’m happy. For the first time in a long time, I’m genuinely happy. I’m excited about where the future is taking me. It’s not happiness based on any exterior source. For once, it’s all on me.

Instead of looking at life in terms of what was missing, what I’d lost, what I needed.. I look at what I have, who I am and what’s to come. I wasn’t an immediate process. No change really is. But I’ve done it. But as much I want to declare that I’m “cured” I’m approaching it realistically, as opposed to getting too swept up in the positivity and amazing feeling I get from all this. I’ve given up smoking. I’ve started regular exercise and I’ve already lost weight. Finally I feel I can really change my life. It’s not something I hoped for, but something I’m working towards.

Destiny is bullshit. We make our own lives. And I was tired of living in the shadow of a childhood where I felt something as simple as love and support was missing. Because what happened in the past is exactly that. In the past. And so I made a choice. And everyday since I made that choice, I find even more reasons to smile. And I don’t remember ever feeling so alive. It’s like the cliche says, The weight of the world is off my shoulders.

I have a gift and it’s my responsibility to share with the world. I can use everything I’ve been through and use my life experience to help those heading in a similar direction to my own.

I’ve been a part of a workshop for disadvantaged teens and I’ve been sharing my experiences with them. The goal is to try and steer them away from where my journey took me. Perhaps I never would have gotten into the sex, drugs and alcohol if I’d had someone talk to me at their age. I look at their faces and I see what I’m telling them hitting a chord. The hardest thing I suppose is seeing those who have no intention of listening. But I remind myself it’s not about me, it’s about them. And some eggs are harder to crack. I can’t blame them. I was the same at their age.

It took me til my 30’s to realize that I had to want to get better, that I had to want to talk about everything that had happened to me.. To lay low all the dirty secrets I’d felt so ashamed to share with anyone, let alone a whole class of people. But if I can help even one person, it will all be worth it.

I finally have found my calling. Helping others makes me feel something unlike I’ve ever known… I’m finally at peace with it all. Finally ready to share my gift with the world.

My time is now. 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My Exercise Experiment

Hey guys,

I’m absolutely loving it. My energy is going through the roof, and I’m feeling fantastic.

I”m so excited. If you’re feeling down, just give exercise a go. What’s the worst thing that could happen??

 

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Since I’ve Quit Smoking… aka Changing your life

My appetite has returned…. With a vengeance. I’m incredibly anxious at times, but that’s because my body still wants the nicotine. Controlling my moods is a little more difficult than usual, but that’s because I was using the cigarettes to help elevate my mood. But I’m working out heaps more, mostly because of the cravings.  Yet the exercise has left me feeling energised. It’s fantastic!!!!

I’m already saving 30 dollars a week… and I have to find new ways to keep myself occupied. Because I never realised how much smoking was a part of my life. I think I smoked more when I was bored, or when I had a quick break, or even when I was anxious or nervous.

I’m never looking back.

It’s only been a week, but I’m already feeling great. It just goes to show, that no matter how long you’ve been a certain way, it’s never too late to change. The true test is ahead of me, I know this… and it’s like they always say, “Nobody ever really quits”

Here’s where I’m going to rely on my willpower, and maybe even a great friend to help me through the hard times. It’s just about finding the right person who I can rely upon I suppose. That’s the dilemma I guess. But I know if I stay strong and true to myself.. the sky really is the limit!

Real change is hard.

I’ve been a functioning addict for the better part of 15 years. Giving up all the things in life that I knew, is much harder than I could have imagined. Giving up the drugs and alcohol meant giving up all the friends who went along with that. It meant accepting that I’m not perfect. It also meant that the people in my life need to accept the new me. I want to change. I want to grow and become a better person every single day. And I hope that you’ll want to come along with me. If not, I shall miss you… but I will never look back. I’ve come along too far for it to be any other way.

And I want to live, not just survive.

I hope you all can understand that. 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Today I give thanks for —

A god of my understanding.
A universe that bends towards love no matter how much evil pushes back.
A sober being.
My talent.
My friends.
My health.
All the people who tolerate my plethora of defects.
My enemies for keeping my edge sharp.
My disdain for injustice.
My love of the absurd.
Windows.
The music I hear.

Make a gratitude list, share it with someone you love. Or better yet, someone you fucking hate.

Enjoy everyday for it is precious. 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