Relationships: Different strokes for different folks.

Hey guys,

Well the search for the perfect relationship continues for many people myself included. It may never be located but a perfect match on the other hand is not so difficult to find as is the relationship. First of all there are a number off different sorts of relationships, but the most ironic thing is that I myself am terrible at relationships. I always seem to fall for the wrong people, or simply, women who do not like me “like that”

But still, according to my friends I have some great ideas and advice when it comes to this subject. And since I’m home and still a little unwell, I figured I’d put some of my thoughts onto paper. Digital paper that is.

Be warned, this is a long one.

So get a snack, light a cigarette/smoke a billy/whatever you like…  and here goes. 

Romantic relationships are never simple. They are complex things and everyone has different experiences. That is why they are amazing and oh so worth it. It’s why every time we get our hearts broken we say “never again” and still it happens over and over.

Chances are it will happen a number of times in our lifetime.  Unless we’re one of the lucky ones we all envy. Admit it, we’d all love what they have. I know I do.

1: Couples

So how does a relationship fall into this category you ask? Well it’s quite simple really, when two people who are in love….have sex, basically. But somehow though cheating tends to ensue. And when I say cheating I’m not necessarily talking about sleeping around either. You can cheat on your partner emotionally too. And both are as bad as the other in my opinion. Some people don’t cheat. Some just fight and make up their entire span of the relationship, and while I am not saying it’s a bad thing, speaking from experience, if you feel there is something missing chances are you’ll never find it unless you’re willing to make a change.

The problem with change is that for most of us, no one wants to be alone. Everybody wants to love someone. And sex doesnt mean you’re intimate either. We can fuck anybody really, but real intimacy is what occurs outside the bedroom.

But I have a theory:  Even though these people love each other and love to sleep together, there is no real friendship there. I’m takling the kind of friendship with people who are just friends, hence they see no problem in loving multiple people at the same time, because they yearn for what we all do, something perfect.

There are of course exceptions to the rule, but it’s far from what I would consider a perfect relationship, which I will cover later in this blog.  If you feel you’re relationship falls into this category, I guess you have to deep thinking to do. You have to ask yourself, will this be enough for me in 10-20 years time? Just becasue someone will be an excellent provider, doesn’t mean they are right for you either. Just because someone is so hot and drives you wild with desire, doesn’t mean it will work. It’s about more than desire.

So ask yourself… Does my partner really know me in the deep meaningful way I’ve always wanted? And if you decide it is enough, own that decision and make the best of it. That’s all I can say. Now onto the next category.

2: Friends with Benefits

This one is easy… When friendship collides with sex you get Fuck Buddies/Friends “with benefits”. This sometimes occurs when a friend may be feeling down and the other tries to console said friend, and but then they get a little too close and they start to see fireworks. The only problem with this form of relationship is that there is no love between the two people on an emotional level. Being hurt isn’t an option with this sort of relationship, it’s only a matter of time. This has been the primary kind of relationship I’ve had most of my life.

I don’t do random hookups, and I can’t share my body with strangers.

3: Its Complicated

This term was basically proliferated by Facebook. The famous staus update, “It’s Complicated”  often gets heads turning.. My advice is that if you find yourself in this sort of situation.. RUN!!! GO!!! GET TO THE CHOPPER!!!!

This is what happens with two friends fall in love. The one problem however is that even though these people are in love, they refuse to even try having sex. Why do I hear you ask?

Because they don’t wish to ruin their friendship and make things awkward.

I  can understand not wanting to lose what you already have. But to love someone is to take a chance on them. You see, the main reason you fall in love with a friend is often because as friend, I mean a true friend, they know the inner workings of your mind already. They get you and understand you, and isn’t that what we all want from that special someone? I used to think this was a thing only men went through, but that of course in not the case. This friend already knows everything about you, so they don’t have to go through the “getting to know one another” phase. They don’t have to get to know the side of us we all show when we want someone to like us. They’ve already seen the kinks on our armour.

And also being friends, you probably have some sort of hidden love for the other person before and some spark of chemistry between you forced you to unveil it. That is the worst kind of relationship if you ask me. I have some experience with this, and it’s never worked out for me. Not once. So get out while you can, unless you’re fortunate enough to fall into the next category:

Now if you actually read all of this post, you would have noticed something when reading these descriptions. Each one of them contained something that the others were missing. So naturally I wonder what would happen if we threw all three ingredients into a pot and stirred it up? Well it’s what I call the “Perfect” relationship.

“Perfect” relationship:

This an extremely rare occurrence. This relationship only occurs in the movies as many people are we are led to believe… but that is not the case.  All you need is a combination of the following ingredients

1) 1 dose of Friendship
2) 1 cup of Love
3) a sprinkle of sex
4) several scoops of Trust
5) a dash of Laughter

And there you have it. It can happen if two people are genuinely sure of what they want, and are willing to put it all on the line to make it happen. It hasn’t happened for me yet, but I sorely hope it will one day. Sadly a lot of people instead of love and trust, add money and dependence instead and problems can only ensue… especially when the money runs out.

A perfect relationship is based on all of these things.

All it takes is for one person to not be satisfied and the recipe falls apart. That being said, my recommendations fall with being just a Couple. Unless you can have a Perfect Relationship of course… realistically I’d like to believe that we all can have the perfect relationship. The thing is… one person cannot complete you. No one “thing” can complete you. You have to be able to find someone who doesn’t complete you, but you want to travel beside them on life’s greatest adventure.

If you go into any relationship wanting to be loved instead of wanting to love. You’re essentially a “relationship addict”. It’s not about a mutual understand, it’s about YOU getting what YOU want. Which is to feel loved, not to actually love someone else. It’s not about what someone can give YOU, it’s what you can give to THEM. Real love doesn’t have to be coerced or manipulated to spend time away from your friends, nor does it need to be defined by a bank balance, status and a big fucking house.

Some even bring children into the world, trying to fix their relationships. That was the case with my parents, and it all still fell to pieces eventually. I believe that if someone loves you, they will always find time for you, no matter what. And this is something a relationship addict typically cannot do.

I know this because I used to be one. 

The problem with relationship addicts are that they value the benefits of being loved over the mental states of who they love.  They are people who want the love without the lover themselves. It’s about the feeling the GET and not the love they GIVE.

They can gain this feeling from anyone, if that makes sense. You really can spot them quite easily. They are unusually selfish, vindictive, narcissistic, impatient, avaricious, petty and downright belligerent people who would stop at nothing short of betraying their partners/friends/anyone else to satisfy themselves and their desires… It’s about them, let’s honest. And we’ve all known people who are like this… Sure they can be friends, but don’t accept them as a lover. (I had to look up a number of words in that last passage, because simple words just didn’t cut it)

But if you find someone who really wants to love… loves you and not the idea of you. Not the idea of being in a relationship itself, but being able to love that special someone who they can’t live without. Love like that lasts forever and ever. I like to think so anyway.

So keep on trying folks, that’s my advice. And try to go into a relationship with you eyes wide open, and don’t resent someone because they’re not everything you ever wanted. Who knows it may just work out?  What’s the worst thing that could happen??

Happiness is worth the risk if you ask me.

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