Sex, Love and Relationships.

Hey guys,

I was searching through the blogosphere and I came across a blog @ http://violaturtledove.com. It was titled ” Super Bedroom Fighter: Sex Versus Relationships! ULTIMATE EDITION. Besides being blown away by the awesome geeky title, I found the content of the blog to be fascinating, and it hit a few nerves with me. It also made me realise a few things about myself, and how I saw the divide between Sex and Relationships.  Check out her blog whenever you can. And did I mention she’s a comic book lover? And a total fox? What more could a boy want? =) Maybe I’ll say hello over twitter. Giggity. hahah

So here’s my story. 

For me, sex is much safer than relationships. When it’s just sex, there’s no risk of feelings being hurt. While there is always a certain level of intimacy, but I generally sleep with friends. They don’t know me better than most people do. In fact, we get along great physically, but we’re very different people and not exactly compatible. So how can I sleep with her and not be dating? Because it’s easier. There’s a certain amount of detachment there. We communicate amazingly, but I know I’d never fall for her. If feelings got in the way, I’d be sure to stop it immediately. And besides I don’t do the whole random thing.

“Kara” is a friend. We talk, we hang out, we go to the movies together. Sometimes we have dinner, or talk over games of Battlefield over XBOX Live. But she’s not someone I’d call one of my best friends. We both understand what it is, and we’re happy with how things are. Sure we fuck, but that’s it.

I love sex. I LOVE IT. But then again I think everyone does. Sex is something that makes me feel much more of a “human being” and allows me to connect with someone else, without having to worry about those pesky emotions. It’s hard to feel anxious about anything after going down on someone for an hour or two and making her cry out for the whole time.

A friend quizzed me my attitudes towards sex and relationships and said, “doesn’t sleeping together build your relationship to a much more intimate level?”

I disagree. Sex isn’t the key to any relationship. Sure it’s important, but it’s how you communicate that really matters. Some people have purely sexual relationships and wonder why that can’t communicate like they’d like to. It’s because we’re all so caught up in what we want. In my experience, people are selfish in relationships. They get into relationships for all the wrong reasons. I believe that any meaningful relationship is about wanting to love someone, it’s about wanting to feel loved. And sadly a lot of people can only think about what I relationship can do for them.

I want someone amazing. I want someone with whom I can share all my darkest secrets and she can tell me hers. I want to actually talk for hours and fuck for days. At least as long as my mind agrees with it. The only types of people I’ve fallen for are those whom I communicate with the best. Sex isn’t entirely a physical thing, but I can honestly say I’ve never “made love” to a woman. I fucking hate that word “make love” fuck that. It’s a greeting card thing, trying to add meaning to sex. If it’s with someone you love, of course it means something? But what’s wrong with calling it fucking? It doesn’t make it any less special geez!

For me, it’s always been sex with friends. It’s something we do for fun, or because we’re horny. It’s safe and there’s no need for games of any of the other so-called “dating rituals” we don’t have to worry about spending appropriate amounts of time on one another. I don’t have to worry about being judged for my mental illness, my body shape nor my lack of finances. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not a find em, fuck em and flee kinda thing either. We’re just two mates who also fuck on occasion, and then we go back to being mates afterwards. If anything, we sleep together because I know I couldn’t fall for them. I’m emotionally erratic as it is… Can you imagine me being in love and having it reciprocated? I’d probably scare them away, or worse… They’d actually stay.

Silly insecurities drive me crazy sometimes. I’ve been running from my feelings for as long as I can remember, and it’s only in the last few years that I’ve even been open to a concept of something more profound that simple physical love. Ever since I started pouring my heart into this blog, I’ve become much more attuned to my emotions, but in a way I am still emotionally unavailable, but not as full on as it was before now… So I’d like to think that maybe one day I could try. That sort of happiness would be an amazing thing to experience again. I don’t know… maybe it is time to try. But then again, there’s an awful lot to risk giving my heart to another. I think it would take an exceptional woman to make me feel otherwise. But at the same time, for the right person, the risk would be worth it. Wouldn’t it?

I’m happy with how things are most of the time, but sometimes I wish I knew someone who made me believe. The thing with me is that I just don’t really get attached to people. At least not as often as friends of mine. I guess because I don’t know anyone whose into the sane things as I am. Well not one who I would call “available”

This reminds me of a conversation I had with my mum. I can and do tell her almost everything. I even gave her sex advice when she separated from my dad. But the fact I don’t have a girlfriend, my family thinks that I’m gay. I don’t mind, I’m actually very open-minded, but I couldn’t tell my parents about that. Not because I’m ashamed, but to keep the peace.

But she did ask me what I am looking for in a potential relationship… Well I don’t exactly know. Ideally, she’s amazing, sassy, sexy and sweet. Someone strong and yet vulnerable. She challenges me, excites me, and makes me want to be a better, stronger man. I would want to protect her from all her fears and make her smile every minute of everyday. We’d sit in our underwear reading comics and playing video games. We’d be locked away for days at a time, only leaving to get condoms, ice cream and the Avengers on Blu-Ray. Every moment with her would brighten my life in all the right ways. I’d need her, and even the idea of it terrifies me.

Relationships are terrifying. They see all your flaws, how you snore at night or the weird way you scratch your toes and fart in your sleep. They are there to see you wake up screaming from bad dreams with sheets soaked with sweat. When you are with them, you get to see them the same way your closest friends do. You know the type of friend I mean… the ones you would never have sex with. You see their best and the worst of them, and you still want to be with them. The worst about them doesn’t disturb you, nor frighten you. You love and respect them for their flaws. You have a burning passion for them. You yearn for them physically and mentally, and sex is more than “just sex”. When I think about it, I would like to be able to feel that once.

That kind of relationship is built from more than sex, and more than communication… Though those two things do help to maintain it!
It is built from a deeper understanding, and burning desire. Am I the only one who feels this way about things? I don’t know if I could handle it if I was the only one who feels the way I do. So I think I’ll just keep having fun, and enjoy the peace and quiet. I’ve found myself at last, and while I’m open to the idea of a relationship, it’s just that it would take an exceptional woman to make me change my mind.  And does such a person even exist?

I’m not bitter, it’s just that my journey has taken me longer than most “normal” people do. That’s fine, if anything it makes me even more unique and sure makes me feel special. I am more open than ever to the idea of “love” it’s like that ageless saying…

Resistance is Futile.

Til next time… I ❤ you all.

This is pretty darn accurate if you ask me.
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2 thoughts on “Sex, Love and Relationships.

  1. Hey there,
    I’m glad my blog got you thinking! 🙂

    Relationships are tricky things. And there are so many different kinds, and ways to interpret what you have… Hence the importance of communication!

    Seems like you have found a great way of thinking about it for yourself… and I’m glad to hear that I am not the only one who is managing to fuck their friends and have it not turn into a big pile of drama…

    Going to be honest… That idea of your ideal partner sounds pretty good…

    Have a great night!

    Lots of love,
    ~ Viola xoxo

  2. In the past six months, I’ve had sex. I’ve been laid. I f*cked. However, it’s been a long time since I’ve made love, and I kind of miss it. Some people might argue that there’s no difference – physically, they are the same. But emotionally, passionately, and mentally, the two deeds are very different.

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