A letter to my 18 year old self

Hey guys,

I found an awesome blog, found at http://hereismars.wordpress.com/ and it inspired me to do something myself. Check it out, it’s really great.

So yeah, here goes.

Dear 18 year old me, this is your 33 year old self and I just wanted to tell you a few things.

It’s okay to feel different. It’s what makes YOU special. Keep striving. Keep dreaming. Don’t try and live up to anyone expectations, even yours. just take things are they come, and don’t worry about what you can’t control. Most people your age will have their shit together much sooner than you will. But you’ll have a wealth of knowledge and life experience that no one else will be able to touch. Most of your friends will be married and move on. Don’t be mad at them or even jealous. I’ll tell you a secret, none of them even married the right person and they’re all pretty miserable. Seeing them will remind you of how important it is to marry the person who really understands you. Looks aint shit. It’s what inside that matters, and a deep personal connection matters more than sexual attraction and lust and all the other physical stuff. Marry your best friend if you can. And don’t be afraid of your attraction to some men either. You’re not gay, but you definitely find some guys attractive. You are awesome just how you are. But only once you stop trying to escape from your emotions.

Stop drinking! It solves nothing no matter how much you think it does. And for god’s sake don’t start smoking! Stop trying to be a tough guy because you are a softie. That is most definitely not a bad thing. Don’t be afraid to let people get close. Intimacy is a very good thing and don’t be afraid of how you feel, embrace it.

Stop shagging randoms! Sure it might feel awesome, but don’t just do it with anyone. Save it for someone special, and even if it takes you years, it will be worth the wait. You won’t meet anyone who makes you feel anything real for a long time but when you do, it will be them most special thing you can ever know.

Things are gonna suck. A lot. Sure things will hurt, and in more ways than you ever felt it could, but it does get better. Those suicidal thoughts you’re having, don’t listen. I know thing’s don’t make sense right now, but in time they will. In time you’ll come to love that you are different. You’ll learn to grow and become someone unlike everyone else. Sure things have been pretty messed up but you’ll able to use your experience to help people who are going through hard times of their own. It will be so much more rewarding than fucking, smoking weed or getting shitfaced. It’s the one thing that you can do that gives you purpose, and even though people will doubt your motivation, never surrender.

Don’t worry about trying to be anything but who you are. Be true to how you feel.

No matter how much you care, you can’t make someone love you like you love them. You feel emotions in ways that a lot of people can never understand. So much stronger and much more intense than others could ever get, but don’t hate people for not feeling the same as you do. I know you can’t help how you feel, neither can they.

You will learn and grow from all the mistakes you’ll make, and trust me you’ll make a lot of them.

Respect yourself. Be smart and think. Be patient. Know and appreciate your friends. Don’t push people away because you’re afraid they’ll see the real you and be afraid. You are not insane. You are you, and you know what? You are awesome. There is no one else like you, and that is a good thing even if it doesn’t feel like it. You are special. You are worthy to be loved just as you are.

Don’t change for anyone. If anyone truly loves you they will love you for who you are and not the idea of what you could be or should be. Stick close to your sister. She loves you and is the only one who really gets you like you deserve… even if she can be a bitch. Don’t be afraid of those pesky emotions.

You’ll love and lose more times than you can imagine, and it will really really hurt, but you’ll learn from those mistakes. In time, you’ll know exactly what you want from yourself and a potential partner… And then you can finally know how to maintain a relationship. You’ll be a wealth of knowledge for friends and loved ones. Tell Lena you love her and don’t let Rachel go. You’ll only regret your lack of confidence and even though things will be hard, and they always will be, you’ll find out who you really are.

Don’t hold a grudge. Let shit go. And stop fixating on all the things you think are wrong with you. You are not ugly. You are awesome. Start exercising. Lose that weight you hate so much. You’ll fucking love it once you do!

And if you think for one second about quitting on everything, don’t even bother. You won’t succeed and you’ll only have another burden to hold on to for so many years.  Don’t give up. There are a lot of people you’re going to meet, and plenty of them will love you for exactly who you are. Appreciate what you have and don’t worry about what you don’t have. All those things will come, and only when your ready for it.

Never surrender. Don’t take no for an answer. And stay the course. In time, you’ll learn to love who you are. And others will too.

I love you even though you are a misguided fool. Love mum, and yes even dad. And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

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