As someone who has BPD emotions can dominate many facets of my life. I often find it’s easier to get swept up in the negative emotions. At times feelings like sadness and loneliness can be overwhelming. I’ve spent many nights crying away deciding to focus entirely on the negatives, sad music only making things worse. It feels like the more miserable I feel the more cathartic the entire experience is. We all do it. But the question is “Why do we do it?” Could the answer be something as simple as “It makes me feel alive” or are human beings wired to conform to the negative side of things? We obsess about the things we don’t have, fixate on what is “missing”
But it’s occurred to me that people with mental health issues do not take the time to celebrate the positives of the emotional spectrum. Continue reading
Hey guys, well I’m wide awake and cannot sleep… Once again. It’s always a source of excitement and a little confusing how so many things have come together and yet there are some things that I cannot stop thinking about, no matter how hard I try. Continue reading
I’ve been doing a whole lot of thinking lately. Obsessing almost really. It’s just what I do what I have a lot of my mind. I wonder from wondering what I did wrong to wondering what I did wrong to leaving things alone and just hoping things work out for the best. So I made something akin to a decision. I know from experience that there is NO WAY I’m going to be able to stop myself from thinking, so I might as well channel it. So I’ve pretty much been writing full stop. I cannot recommend it enough. Continue reading
Well I’m sitting here listening to White Zombie’s La Sexorcisto Devil Music Vol.1, yeah that’s right 1992’s finest! Actually this album brings back a lot of memories for me. I must admit, while trying my hardest to distract myself for my lack of love life, I’ve been feeling somewhat nostalgic. Been listening to a lot of old music I listened to in my teens and it’s amazing how music can trigger memories. It’s feels a lot like muscle memory how something like a particular bear or a riff can remind you of a different time taking you out of the here and now.
My fucking god I love music. It takes me on such an emotional journey. It can take me from the lowest lows to the highest of highs. Continue reading
Sometimes I wonder if I can even care about people. It’s like I’ve built all these walls and hidden behind so many masks over the years, all in the vain hope that I’d be protected from some hypothetical harm that could happen. And sometimes I fall hard. More than I wanted to. It’s only really happened a couple of times in my whole life. Therein lies the dilemma. I care too much. And it drives me crazy. When I’m not interested in anyone I’m confident with myself and there are no complications… besides being lonely.
But then something comes along and it ruins everything. Continue reading