Music is my Barometer aka the Escapist Blog

Hey guys,

Well I’m sitting here listening to White Zombie’s La Sexorcisto Devil Music Vol.1, yeah that’s right 1992’s finest! Actually this album brings back a lot of memories for me. I must admit, while trying my hardest to distract myself for my lack of love life, I’ve been feeling somewhat nostalgic. Been listening to a lot of old music I listened to in my teens and it’s amazing how music can trigger memories. It’s feels a lot like muscle memory how something like a particular bear or a riff can remind you of a different time taking you out of the here and now.

My fucking god I love music. It takes me on such an emotional journey. It can take me from the lowest lows to the highest of highs.AStateofTranceMusicIsLifeFor as long as I can remember, I’ve relied on music as one of the methods I use to control my erratic moods. If I want to, I can use music to make me sadder than I thought possible and that’s usually just so I can cry or at least vent and get whatever I’m feeling out of my system. It sure helps when you have a tendency to hold on to feelings and moving on becomes difficult. I think sometimes I hold on to a feeling because it’s a much better alternative to never have felt it in the first place. Even if the particular situation makes me miserable, just being able to feel something akin to love is a wonderful blessing.

Sadly, I’ve never had too many opportunities to feel happiness or love. Sure I’ve had things rough, especially so in my youth, but I don’t let the define me anymore. In a way, my emotional life started in my late 20’s when I got therapy and was finally able to move past all the pain that defined me and my behavior for so many years. I am not my pain, I am a great person, albeit emotionally erratic.

And as usual I digress you must surely be used to that by now if you’ve read any of my previous blogs anyway. This is pretty much what it’s like in my brain ya know? Besides the stronger emotions which seem to be consistent, everything else is all over the place most of the time… and that is why music is so important to me. It is an escape that’s much healthier than drinking, drugs, sex and all those other things that make life fun. I have identified a mix of songs that can raise my spirits, I have a mix that I can just listen to if I wanna be taken away and I even have a playlist for when I’m feeling like I must be miserable. The latter doesn’t get plaid too often these days mind you.

But there are some songs that I cannot listen to anymore. No matter what, I cannot bear it. It brings back painful memories or simply makes me so sad that it’s impossible for me to see anything but darkness and loneliness. One of those is “No Surprises” by Radiohead. I don’t know exactly what it is, but I can’t bear that song. It just makes me sad. Not in a good way neither. Back when I saw suicide as a serious solution to things, I loved this song. It seemed to hold me in that place I needed to be just to have the courage to go there. It’s a beautiful song but I cannot appreciate it because of how it makes me feel. Karma Police comes a close second in that regard. Sorry Radiohead!

Not all sad songs make me think about suicide mind you. I love “Nightswimming” by R.E.M. It’s a song I get drunk and sing along to when the need takes me. It’s a beautifully sad song but alleviate so much pain for me. In a way it makes me feel like cutting used to. But not as acute of course.

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My playlist for sad moods is titled “Moody Shit” and it has the following songs on it. Some of them are even stuff people wouldn’t usually admit to listening to, but I don’t give a shit if it’s cool or not. It’s how a song makes me feel that matters.

  • Nightswimming – R.E.M
  • Hyperballed – Bjork
  • Glycerine – Bush
  • Letting the Cables Sleep – Bush
  • Losing Grip – Avril Lavigne
  • Everybody Here Wants You – Jeff Buckley
  • Nightminds – Missy Higgins
  • You Were Meant For Me – Jewel
  • Stone The Crow – Down
  • Bother – Stone Sour
  • If It Kills Me – Jason Mraz
  • Pictures – Goldfinger
  • Hurt – Nine Inch Nails
  • I Go To Extremes – Billy Joel
  • My Immortal – Evenescence
  • Milk – Garbage
  • Hero of The Day – Metallica
  • I Want To Break Free – Queen
  • Loneliness Is Worse – Veruca Salt
  • Together In Electric Dreams – Phil Oakley
  • Against All Odds – Phil Collins
  • Across The Sea – Weezer
  • Tomorrow Is A Long Time – Bob Dylan
  • Terrible Lie – Nine Inch Nails
  • November Rain – Guns n Roses
  • Unsent Letter – Machine Gun Fellatio

Some of them are shocking I know. But like I said, it’s about how it makes me feel.

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In the opposite direction, I have some songs that just cheer me up like you wouldn’t believe.

  • Thriller – Michael Jackson
  • Whatareya – T.I.S.M.
  • Slacker – Tech N9ne
  • American Psycho – The Misfits
  • Starfuckers, Inc – Nine Inch Nails
  • Pussy Town – Machine Gun Fellatio
  • Take Yo Mama – Scissor Sisters
  • The Creep – The Lonely Island
  • Cherry Lips (Go Baby Go) – Garbage
  • Parklife – Blur
  • Battery – Metallica
  • F.O.D. – Green Day
  • She Aint Afraid – Twiztid
  • Bitches – D12
  • Volcano Girls – Veruca Salt
  • Ain’t No Rest For The Wicked – Cage The Elephant
  • Thunder Kiss ’69 – White Zombie
  • I Can’t Decide – Scissor Sisters
  • Who? – Psychopathic Rydas
  • Fortunate Son – Creedence Clearwater Revival
  • Who Needs Hands? – Deanna Richards
  • Weapon of Choice – Fatboy Slim
  • Everything’s Fucked – Frenzal Rhomb
  • In Bloom – Nirvana
  • You’re My Best Friend – Queen
  • She – Green Day
  • Blackened – Metallica
  • Wear Yo Hat (Buried N Bald) – Fear of a Black Hat Soundtrack
  • Fat Bottomed Girls – Queen
  • Summer Rain – Belinda Carlisle

And before I go here’s some of my most favorite albums of all freakin time. Check them out if you get the chance. Some of them will change your life I promise you. I love all this music for so many diverse and complicated reasons, but mostly because of the emotions they bring out in me. These are in no particular order or genre.

  • Metallica – Metallica
  • Dookie – Green Day
  • Vulgar Display of Power – Pantera
  • Aenima – Tool
  • Mosttasteless – Twiztid
  • The Blue Album – Weezer
  • OK Computer – Radiohead
  • Grace – Jeff Buckley
  • Demanufacture – Fear Factory
  • The Chronic – Dr. Dre
  • Mer De Noms – A Perfect Circle
  • Straight Outta Compton – N.W.A
  • Rage Against The Machine – Rage Against The Machine
  • Elsewhere For 8 Minutes – Something For Kate
  • All Eyez On Me – 2Pac
  • The Slim Shady LP – Eminem
  • Freedom Is A State of Mind – Corporate Avenger
  • Garbage – Garbage
  • American Psycho – The Misfits
  • Back To Black – Amy Winehouse

Now I’m more than certain that I’ve missed some, and I’m sure it’ll eat me up inside. So I’m just gonna post this and more on.

But please share your favorite songs depending on your moods. I’d love to find some new music to listen to.

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