Random

I am a coward

I’d rather not tell you that I get butterflies every damn time I think of you or that being around you is all it takes to make me happy, because attaching my happiness to someone who could potentially leave is f*cking terrifying. So I’m not going to tell you that I like you, or that one half-drunk conversation we had been when I knew I might have feelings for you, or that I find your half-grin endearing, or that I panic when I see you because I can feel myself blushing. In fact, I’m not even going to acknowledge you. Rather than get to the point of having to admit that I like you, I am going to do my best not to notice you. I will try so damn hard to stifle a smile when you walk into the room. Instead, I will look over my glasses at you, raise an eyebrow, and go back to my work as if you are taking up my time, all the while my face will feel as if it is on fire and I will have to read the same sentence five times in order to get back on track. As long as I can disguise my cowardice as general disdain I can keep you at a distance so that someday I won’t have to say “Hello” and nervously await the day when I am forced to say “Goodbye,” because at the end of the day… everyone goes away.

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7 thoughts on “Random

  1. When we know people are going to leave, perhaps we should let them live temporarily in our lives at least. Instead of never letting them in. No?

    But, that apart – I loved reading your post! So many of us go through that.

    • Sometimes I’d love more than anything to just enjoy the time that we share, but the aftermath just sucks. I have a very vulnerable personality.

      • Yeah but mostly I feel like a prisoner behind my tall, safe walls. Sorry for blabbing on and on. And thanks for enjoying the randomness of my blog! 🙂

      • Ah no! You can blab on! There is a saying that goes something like that right? “We are prisoner of our self made walls” or something. And yes, I liked your previous post to. Quite similar in theme. Not as random really! 🙂

      • I tend to write more, both blog wise and other creative nonsense, when I’m inspired. I try my best to not be ruled by fears but sometimes you just have allow yourself to feel whatever it is that you’re trying so hard not to.

        And as for the saying, I have no idea. Hopefully I created something profound and totally original but that is unlikely.

      • I remember blogging about how I think almost everything we say has probably been said by someone else. I know for a writer, the thought is sort of depressing. But, I cannot help but think that. So many times you come across writings that make you think – “that is exactly how I think”. Of course, the execution might vary.

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