Emotions = Abundance of Writing

Hey everyone, I hope you’re all doing great and you’re staying strong. As for me, things are complicated, but ain’t they always? 🙂

Anyway, I’ve been channelling my emotional insecurity and lust and all that other aweseome stuff into some writing. I’ve decided to share it with you. I hope you like it.

Feel free the give me some feedback, I’d love to be able to refine it and make it better. Continue reading

Transitions…

*Disclaimer* This post is fairly ambiguous. It’s not referring to anything in particular, more everything as a whole.

Hey all…

I’ve had an epiphany of sorts. Not in a game changing  way or anything like that, but I’m moving on. From situations and people, things that hold me back from my potential. From devotion not returned, from those whose sole job in life is to try to hold me back and bring me down. Feelings wise, nothing has changed but I’m getting on with my life and enjoying every moment of this life. You only have one life to live and I’ve come to realise that I’ve been waiting and waiting for my opportunity. Waiting for the right person to choose me. I refuse to wait, I refuse to take no for an answer. I refuse to keep myself on a leash and wishing beyond hope that I would be “good enough”

Well I am good enough damn it. I’ve been clinging so tightly to a feeling, because it made me feel alive. I hang and wait and hope that things will be different. That the life I’ve envisioned so many times will come true, that I will at last be content.

Fuck waiting. I am a great person and I deserve some decent karma for a change. So I’m taking this shit by the horns and I’m going to get what I want from life, or I’ll die trying. I’ve been looking ahead far too much. I have to concentrate on the here and now. I’m getting myself out there. Gonna start dating again, gonna keep writing. Always believing in myself. I’m funny, smart and caring. I’m worthy of happiness. I deserve success. I want a life filled with passion, inspiration and creativity. And I’m not going to settle for anything less. No more waiting… for love, for success, for contentment. I’m transitioning to something different from this. I guess I’m just sick and tired of waiting for my turn. For someone to choose me. If you didn’t choose me first, why the fuck should I accept you when you come crawling back? I am no ones backup plan, actually… I refuse to be. If you wanted me, you should have taken your chance. Now sadly that ship appears to have sailed.

I know you can’t, so I’m doing it for you. I’m moving on. I refuse to be anyones backup plan. I don’t know if it’s what you wanted, but I’m deciding to move on. I can’t and WONT wait for anyone. Not anymore.

It just takes desire and a will to act… If you want something enough, you should just take it. No one ever found happiness sitting on their hands and waiting for an opportunity.

So I’m moving on… no more looking back… No more waiting.

My time is now. The world is my oyster.

PS: My ambitions for the future.

1) I want to write an episode of Doctor Who.
2) I want to write a feature film
3) I want to finish my manifesto
4) Fill my life with passion and inspiration.

I don’t want to be rich. I find that poverty makes me more desperate, more determined. I wouldn’t mind being comfortable, just not too comfortable. I’m far too unmotivated unless life pushes me in the right direction. It’s just how I am. I am a great person, a great friend and I will find my place in this world at long last.

The glass is half full, and Monty Python said it best after all….

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I am…

I am me.
I am not perfect.
I am passionate.
I am confused.
I am broken and whole.
I need you more than I can ever say.
I am confident and scared and terrified.
I am loving and caring.
I am thoughtful and hopeful.
I am sick and tired.
I am shy and friendly.
I am careful and careless.
I am misunderstood, misguided and mislead.
I am hard working and determined.
I am a little scared on the inside.
I wish on stars and dream my dreams.
I pray to god and I cry my tears.
I smile on the outside, while I’m dying on the inside.
I listen to others who don’t listen to me.
I walk on eggshells and I walk on fire.
I believe in passion.
I believe in true love.
I love you and I push you away.
I want you but not so close for I won’t be able to let you go.
I am everything and nothing all at once.
I am mor than the sum of my parts.
I am me… and that IS enough.
I cry…
I smile…
I laugh..
I hurt…
I get angry…
I get sad..
I get frustrated..
I am me..
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The Dark is Generous…

Its first gift is concealment
Our true faces lie in the dark beneath our skins, our true hearts remain shadowed deeper still.
But the greatest concealment lies not in protecting our secret truths, but in hiding from us the truths of others.
The dark protects us from what we dare not know.

Its second gift is comforting illusion
The ease of gentle dreams in night’s embrace, the beauty that imagination brings to what would repel in day’s harsh light.
But the greatest of its comforts is the illusion that the dark is temporary:
that every night brings a new day.
Because it is day, that is temporary.
Day is the illusion.

Its third gift is the light itself
As days are defined by nights that divide them, as stars are defined by the infinite black through which they wheel,
the dark embraces the light, and brings it forth from the center of its own self.
With each victory of the light, it is the dark that wins.

The dark is generous, and it is patient
It is the dark that seeds cruelty into justice that drips contempt into compassion that poisons love with grains of doubt.
The dark can be patient, because the slightest drop of rain will cause those seeds to sprout.
The rain will come, and the seeds will sprout, for the dark is the soil in which they grow,
and it is the clouds above them, and it waits behind the star that gives them light.
The dark’s patience is infinite.
Eventually, even stars burn out.

The dark is generous, and it is patient, and it always wins
It always wins because it is everywhere.
It is in the wood that burns in your hearth, and in the kettle on the fire;
It is under your chair and under your table and under the sheets on your bed.
Walk in the midday sun and the dark is with you, attached to the soles of your feet.
The brightest light casts the darkest shadow.

The dark is generous, and it is patient, and it always wins
But in the heart of its strength lies weakness:
one lone candle is enough to hold it back.
Love is more than a candle.

Love can ignite the stars.
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