Scars aka The not the End of Days blog

Hey guys,

I know it’s been ages. There’s even been a bunch of times where I’ve started to write something, lost my chain of thought/was uninspired/or just plain lazy, and deleted it. Like so many things in my life, I went into it with the best of intentions. But again I fell flat on my face. 

But it’s not the end of the world every time I fail. I’ve had to remind myself of that a lot over the years. When my depression and anxiety gets too much for me and I cut myself to relieve the pain, it’s not the end of the world. If anything my self harming has decreased over the years. But like all my other methods I’ve tried over the years to fight off the darkness, there’s no quick fix. I have remind myself to celebrate the little victories, even if I have the scars to show for it. 

Again, it’s not the end of the world. 

Or when my emotions get the better of me and I can’t stand it. Or when I think about Cass everyday, and I’m lonely as all hell and desperate to not feel so damn alone. It’s not the end of the world. I know things are not ideal but I’m fortunate enough to actually care for somebody. I have love in my heart and it helps me find the strength to stay strong. 

Long gone are my days of escaping how I feel. Now I confront them as best as I can. Emotions are not meant to be hidden away. They’re meant to be celebrated. Even the negative ones, like sorrow, heartbreak and pain have reminded me that the positive emotions are worth all the risk. Sure I miss talking to her when it’s been a while, but nothing is like the joy it brings me every time I think of her. 

Sure my life hasn’t always been rosy, but it’s not the end of the world. My pain is not going to kill me. It exists to remind me of where I’ve been and to keep me moving on. Pain is very real, I have the scars to prove it, but it is not who I am. 

Sometimes I think we’d all do better if we reminded ourselves of that. Stay Strong, keep some love in your heart and the rest will sort it self out. And don’t be so hard on yourself.

I’ll do my best to do the same. 

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Sometimes it’s too much aka the Bursting at the seams blog

One of the biggest issues I have in my struggles with Borderline Personality is the overwhelming nature of everything I feel. I’m talking every single thing I feel. It’s all or nothing. It’s so damn frustrating. I hate it. It’s like I can see how I’m behaving or where my mind is taking me and I’m just a damn passenger. I alienate so many people in my life. People whom I like I push away. Or I scare them off. Or I try just so damn hard to make them like me. God I hate it. Continue reading

Emotions = Abundance of Writing

Hey everyone, I hope you’re all doing great and you’re staying strong. As for me, things are complicated, but ain’t they always? 🙂

Anyway, I’ve been channelling my emotional insecurity and lust and all that other aweseome stuff into some writing. I’ve decided to share it with you. I hope you like it.

Feel free the give me some feedback, I’d love to be able to refine it and make it better. Continue reading

Distractions aka You can’t hide forever

As those who have been reading my blogs as of late can attest, I have been going through a bit lately especially in regards to emotional instability. I haven’t been like this in what feels like ages. Maybe this is what I get for not taking my meds for a few days.

Anyway, I’ve been devoting a lot of my time to trying to find ways to think about something else.. hell anything else really. I’ve discovered some awesome new bloggers on WordPress, and also been channeling all of the anxiety and tension and god awful neediness into writing more and more. In fact, I haven’t written this much in ages. So I have that to be thankful for at least.

Continue reading

Another Year In The Bag…

Hey,

As the end of 2014 dawns upon us I figured it was time to reflect on this year… at least in anticipation of the new year. That’s what people do don’t they? Fucked if I know but I’m gonna do it anyway.

It was a year of great progress and serious setbacks. I’m going to try to focus on the positives if I can but I make no promises.

Continue reading

Music is my Barometer aka the Escapist Blog

Hey guys,

Well I’m sitting here listening to White Zombie’s La Sexorcisto Devil Music Vol.1, yeah that’s right 1992’s finest! Actually this album brings back a lot of memories for me. I must admit, while trying my hardest to distract myself for my lack of love life, I’ve been feeling somewhat nostalgic. Been listening to a lot of old music I listened to in my teens and it’s amazing how music can trigger memories. It’s feels a lot like muscle memory how something like a particular bear or a riff can remind you of a different time taking you out of the here and now.

My fucking god I love music. It takes me on such an emotional journey. It can take me from the lowest lows to the highest of highs. Continue reading

Coping Mechanisms

bfmh14-copy2Hey guys,

Well I’m deep in the clutches of insomnia so I figured I’d kill some time by writing something. It started with some poetry, mostly about someone special, and turned into this blog.

Today I’m going to discuss coping mechanisms I’ve used over the years and I’ll elaborate on how they’ve affected me. I hope this proves both insightful and interesting.

Continue reading

BPD and those pesky emotions.

bfmh14-copy2Hey guys,

I know it’s been a long time between posts but to be honest I’ve been working on much more important things like getting my shit together. Now I find myself in a familiar situation and I’m compelled to write about it. But first I’d llike to educate some of you as to what BPD actually is. Buckle up folks, this one is a long one. Continue reading

Mania & Hyper-sexuality

First off I just want to thank all the new followers I’ve picked up over the last few days. All of your stories entertain and inspire me every single day. You all help me in ways I cannot describe and it’s made me feel like I’m a part of something greater.  Well now on to last nights festivities.

Well last night I had my biggest manic episode in months. It’s been almost a year since I went crazy like that. I couldn’t sit still. I couldn’t think straight. I was on cloud nine and I felt invincible. My self-esteem sky rockets and I feel that anything was possible. My creative levels went through the roof. I should have detected this was coming because for the last few days I’ve been especially creative and horny. I’m pretty interested in a certain gal and we go back and forth a lot and I don’t know if that was a trigger or not, but it sure was a lot of fun.  Continue reading

Blog For Mental Health 2014

I was reading one of my favourite blogs called Infinite Sadness… or Hope?  It’s created by a wonderfully inspirational woman named Cate from across the Tasman Sea. That’s New Zealand for those of you not from Australia, and I came across a post titled “Blog For Mental Health 2014 (four in four)”. The more I read, I discovered I really liked the idea behind  Blog for Mental Health. It’s a campaign fronted by A Canvas For The Minds and so I signed up straight away. Here is my pledge for 2014.

bfmh14-copy2

“I pledge my commitment to the Blog for Mental Health 2014 Project.
I will blog about mental health topics not only for myself, but for others.
By displaying this badge, I show my pride, dedication, and acceptance for mental health.
I use this to promote mental health education in the struggle to erase stigma.”

Continue reading