Self esteem aka The lift others up blog

I used to believe that having someone who loves was the proof that validated you as a person. That love would fill the spaces and valleys in my soul and make me whole. But that simply isn’t true. Not for anyone and not for me. 

One of the hardest lessons I’ve ever had to learn in my life was learning to love myself. To KNOW that I’m worth it, that I deserve it in my life. That was hard to accept too, that I’m not the sum of my flaws. In fact, my flaws humanise me. My flaws allowed me to do discover my compassion. When I stopped thinking of only myself and my pain, when I stopped being afraid… Only then was I truely free. 

I try my best to be a great friend, brother, son, acquaintance and all of the above. I’ve dedicated my life to lifting up those I love, especially if they are surrounded by those who would hold them down. Especially so if that person is themselves. 

I have so much love to give. Not just romantically, but for my family, (that includes my father, despite our differences) my friends… Those whom I love. But even a stranger can be raised up by a simple act of kindness. 

The kindness of strangers has saved me.

The kindness of friends has saved me. 

I don’t mean to come across as someone preachy. I know how it feels. I used to fixated on the bad, focus on the past and all the wrongs that have been done to me…but I wasted so much time looking behind,that I missed out on what was in front of me. 

 The future. 

I couldn’t consider a future where I was. I couldn’t even cope with the days I was in. But as is always the case with me, I only find epiphanies after I do something stupid, or fail while trying too hard. 

I realised that it’s not about trying to convince other people that I’m worth loving, that I’m worth a damn…because how can I make someone else believe if I didn’t believe it. I’m not broken because someone doesn’t love me. I’m not any less of a man if I try and fail to win someone’s heart. 

Because I am me. I am worth it. I’m caring and weird and excitable. I’m spontaneous and romantic and a total drama queen. I am not at all perfect. But that’s okay. 

I care strongly for those whom I love. I would die for them… It’s the quality of the people whom I love that is a reflection on who I am as a person, for everyday I am inspired by them. I am inspired to grow as a person by the one I love. And it doesn’t matter if she loves me back. Of course I’d love it if she did, but it’s not game over if she doesn’t. For my life was made so much richer because I was fortunate enough to have her in it. 

My friends and family mean the world top me. I wouldn’t be alive if it wasn’t for them. 

So I suppose the lesson is simple. Lift up those around you,and don’t be afraid to love with reckless abandon. For its when we love that we are truely alive. Love itself is our greatest gift we can give another and so many people take it for granted. It is small and fragile, but it is the most important thing we can possess. To have another love us IS validation. But we have to be worthy of that love. And the first person you have to love before you can even love another is yourself. 

Again, appologies for the overly preachy post. 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Distractions aka You can’t hide forever

As those who have been reading my blogs as of late can attest, I have been going through a bit lately especially in regards to emotional instability. I haven’t been like this in what feels like ages. Maybe this is what I get for not taking my meds for a few days.

Anyway, I’ve been devoting a lot of my time to trying to find ways to think about something else.. hell anything else really. I’ve discovered some awesome new bloggers on WordPress, and also been channeling all of the anxiety and tension and god awful neediness into writing more and more. In fact, I haven’t written this much in ages. So I have that to be thankful for at least.

Continue reading

Another Year In The Bag…

Hey,

As the end of 2014 dawns upon us I figured it was time to reflect on this year… at least in anticipation of the new year. That’s what people do don’t they? Fucked if I know but I’m gonna do it anyway.

It was a year of great progress and serious setbacks. I’m going to try to focus on the positives if I can but I make no promises.

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Cloud Nine aka The Enjoy It While It Lasts Blog

Hey guys,

As someone who has BPD emotions can dominate many facets of my life. I often find it’s easier to get swept up in the negative emotions. At times feelings like sadness and loneliness can be overwhelming. I’ve spent many nights crying away deciding to focus entirely on the negatives, sad music only making things worse. It feels like the more miserable I feel the more cathartic the entire experience is. We all do it. But the question is “Why do we do it?” Could the answer be something as simple as “It makes me feel alive” or are human beings wired to conform to the negative side of things? We obsess about the things we don’t have, fixate on what is “missing”

But it’s occurred to me that people with mental health issues do not take the time to celebrate the positives of the emotional spectrum. Continue reading

Love and Bipolar

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Earlier tonight I was speaking with a friend and we were discussing his relationship with his significant other. He told me how insignificant she makes him feel and that no matter how hard he tries, it’s never good enough for her. My words of advice were simple.. I said “Dude, just leave.” We talked for an hour about how sad he feels and also how he can’t imagine his life without her. So I asked him if he liked being sad and he said no. So it really is that simple. If you’re unhappy, change things. Talk about how you feel and if they feel the same way, they will meet you half way.

You see, relationships are complicated but at the same time simple. It’s about communication and compromise. If the wants and desires are lopsided and based on making just one person happy, then it’s doomed to fail. I’ve had relationships last for years based purely on the sex. I’ve stuck with girls that I’ve never loved but hoped  that one day I might. Having such an extreme emotional spectrum, makes things hard for me, but unlike a lot of other people, I learn from my mistakes.  Continue reading

Surviving 101 aka Something’s gotta give

Hey guys,

Well I probably shouldn’t be blogging right now, but I guess I’m feeling somewhat inspired and in desperate need of a distraction. Well I’m in day 2 of a downward patch. And I figured I’d channel some of this into something positive.

So here goes nothing. Continue reading

A letter to my 18 year old self

Hey guys,

I found an awesome blog, found at http://hereismars.wordpress.com/ and it inspired me to do something myself. Check it out, it’s really great.

So yeah, here goes. Continue reading

Change. It starts with YOU.

Hey guys,

People frequently want to change something in their lives. Maybe you’ve gained a lot of weight, or have been struggling with a bad habit like smoking or drugs. Other people have had enough of certain relationships that have become toxic, or they have emotional issues that have made them miserable for years.  The question I  have is:

If we want to change our lives so badly, why can’t we just do it, and transform into the person we want to be?

The simple fact is that lasting change is possible. I’m living proof. But it’s only after you realize the emotional, mental, and physical steps that you will need to take first, can you hope to succeed. You need the commitment towards the idea of actually changing, and follow it through with all every ounce of effort possible, knowing that when you succeed it will be better for your health and well being. But if you get to understand how it works before starting your journey towards change, it multiplies your chances of success.

Naturally, there will be barriers to overcome before you embark on the change process. As adults, many of us fear life changes and the uncertainty it brings. But understanding and analyzing fear is the first step towards dissolving it. When you aren’t scared anymore, the idea of changing suddenly becomes much more appealing. Continue reading

Tips: How to Break the cycle of Depression

Hey guys,

Today’s post is all about ways I use to help alleviate symptoms of Depression. After the video I’ve added some additional ways you can help whenever things are feeling especially dark.

Continue reading

Infectious…

Hey guys,

Well on the way to uni today, I came to realize how infectious smiling can be. How dealing with someone with a positive, chirpy attitude can really brighten your day. Especially so when it’s 6:30am and everyone’s shitty and tired and can’t be bothered. Today was awesome, the bus driver was all happy and it just brightened up my day.

It’s fantastic.

Today I’m going to try to record a video blog over the stages of my whole day. It should be fun to see how it goes. And in the meantime, if you’re not feeling too flash, just smile. I know it’s easier said than done, and can often feel a little “phony” but really it works. And other people will feed off it too. And in your own way, you’re making the world a brighter place one smile at the a time. And that’s not such a bad thing is it?

Keep smiling folks, and remember you are awesome.

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