Sometimes it’s too much aka the Bursting at the seams blog

One of the biggest issues I have in my struggles with Borderline Personality is the overwhelming nature of everything I feel. I’m talking every single thing I feel. It’s all or nothing. It’s so damn frustrating. I hate it. It’s like I can see how I’m behaving or where my mind is taking me and I’m just a damn passenger. I alienate so many people in my life. People whom I like I push away. Or I scare them off. Or I try just so damn hard to make them like me. God I hate it. Continue reading

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Emotions = Abundance of Writing

Hey everyone, I hope you’re all doing great and you’re staying strong. As for me, things are complicated, but ain’t they always? 🙂

Anyway, I’ve been channelling my emotional insecurity and lust and all that other aweseome stuff into some writing. I’ve decided to share it with you. I hope you like it.

Feel free the give me some feedback, I’d love to be able to refine it and make it better. Continue reading

The End Times aka The Ain’t BPD Grand Blog

Hey guys,

Well it’s been 3 nights in a row that I’ve forgotten my meds and I think I’m starting to feel the effects of it. Or perhaps I’m just having a long overdue emotional cluster-fuck. Sometimes I wonder how I would be without my meds, I know I’d certainly be sharper, but I definitely don’t want to go back to being so erratic. I describe it best as being super ultra sharp and mega focused but suddenly you change tact and you can’t focus on a single thing with any form of clarity.

Prepare for a lot of tangents on this one folks.

Welcome to the End Times. Continue reading

Another Year In The Bag…

Hey,

As the end of 2014 dawns upon us I figured it was time to reflect on this year… at least in anticipation of the new year. That’s what people do don’t they? Fucked if I know but I’m gonna do it anyway.

It was a year of great progress and serious setbacks. I’m going to try to focus on the positives if I can but I make no promises.

Continue reading

Random

I am a coward

I’d rather not tell you that I get butterflies every damn time I think of you or that being around you is all it takes to make me happy, because attaching my happiness to someone who could potentially leave is f*cking terrifying. So I’m not going to tell you that I like you, or that one half-drunk conversation we had been when I knew I might have feelings for you, or that I find your half-grin endearing, or that I panic when I see you because I can feel myself blushing. In fact, I’m not even going to acknowledge you. Rather than get to the point of having to admit that I like you, I am going to do my best not to notice you. I will try so damn hard to stifle a smile when you walk into the room. Instead, I will look over my glasses at you, raise an eyebrow, and go back to my work as if you are taking up my time, all the while my face will feel as if it is on fire and I will have to read the same sentence five times in order to get back on track. As long as I can disguise my cowardice as general disdain I can keep you at a distance so that someday I won’t have to say “Hello” and nervously await the day when I am forced to say “Goodbye,” because at the end of the day… everyone goes away.

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Cloud Nine aka The Enjoy It While It Lasts Blog

Hey guys,

As someone who has BPD emotions can dominate many facets of my life. I often find it’s easier to get swept up in the negative emotions. At times feelings like sadness and loneliness can be overwhelming. I’ve spent many nights crying away deciding to focus entirely on the negatives, sad music only making things worse. It feels like the more miserable I feel the more cathartic the entire experience is. We all do it. But the question is “Why do we do it?” Could the answer be something as simple as “It makes me feel alive” or are human beings wired to conform to the negative side of things? We obsess about the things we don’t have, fixate on what is “missing”

But it’s occurred to me that people with mental health issues do not take the time to celebrate the positives of the emotional spectrum. Continue reading

Caring Too Fast aka The Getting Ahead of Myself Blog

Hey guys,

Sometimes I wonder if I can even care about people. It’s like I’ve built all these walls and hidden behind so many masks over the years, all in the vain hope that I’d be protected from some hypothetical harm that could happen. And sometimes I fall hard. More than I wanted to. It’s only really happened a couple of times in my whole life. Therein lies the dilemma. I care too much. And it drives me crazy. When I’m not interested in anyone I’m confident with myself and there are no complications… besides being lonely.

But then something comes along and it ruins everything. Continue reading

Coping Mechanisms

bfmh14-copy2Hey guys,

Well I’m deep in the clutches of insomnia so I figured I’d kill some time by writing something. It started with some poetry, mostly about someone special, and turned into this blog.

Today I’m going to discuss coping mechanisms I’ve used over the years and I’ll elaborate on how they’ve affected me. I hope this proves both insightful and interesting.

Continue reading

Journeys and Adventure aka the BPD love blog :P

bfmh14-copy2Hey guys, how is everybody doing?

Well today I’ve decided to write about struggles of self, self image and what people with mental illness often deem as their own insignificance. I also like to call it my invisibility powers. One of the biggest problems I have is with my self image is inexplicably linked with my insecurity and self-confidence. I often in my own desire to love and acceptance tend to try too hard if that makes sense. As much as I’d like to be able to “play it cool” I just don’t seem to have it in me. I know I’m not really invisible, but it feels like it sometimes. And all this reflection was triggered by an interest in a particular lady.. and an episode of Doctor Who.

This one gets a little personal folks, so don’t read if you don’t want to know. You’ve been warned.  Continue reading

BPD and those pesky emotions.

bfmh14-copy2Hey guys,

I know it’s been a long time between posts but to be honest I’ve been working on much more important things like getting my shit together. Now I find myself in a familiar situation and I’m compelled to write about it. But first I’d llike to educate some of you as to what BPD actually is. Buckle up folks, this one is a long one. Continue reading