Scars aka The not the End of Days blog

Hey guys,

I know it’s been ages. There’s even been a bunch of times where I’ve started to write something, lost my chain of thought/was uninspired/or just plain lazy, and deleted it. Like so many things in my life, I went into it with the best of intentions. But again I fell flat on my face. 

But it’s not the end of the world every time I fail. I’ve had to remind myself of that a lot over the years. When my depression and anxiety gets too much for me and I cut myself to relieve the pain, it’s not the end of the world. If anything my self harming has decreased over the years. But like all my other methods I’ve tried over the years to fight off the darkness, there’s no quick fix. I have remind myself to celebrate the little victories, even if I have the scars to show for it. 

Again, it’s not the end of the world. 

Or when my emotions get the better of me and I can’t stand it. Or when I think about Cass everyday, and I’m lonely as all hell and desperate to not feel so damn alone. It’s not the end of the world. I know things are not ideal but I’m fortunate enough to actually care for somebody. I have love in my heart and it helps me find the strength to stay strong. 

Long gone are my days of escaping how I feel. Now I confront them as best as I can. Emotions are not meant to be hidden away. They’re meant to be celebrated. Even the negative ones, like sorrow, heartbreak and pain have reminded me that the positive emotions are worth all the risk. Sure I miss talking to her when it’s been a while, but nothing is like the joy it brings me every time I think of her. 

Sure my life hasn’t always been rosy, but it’s not the end of the world. My pain is not going to kill me. It exists to remind me of where I’ve been and to keep me moving on. Pain is very real, I have the scars to prove it, but it is not who I am. 

Sometimes I think we’d all do better if we reminded ourselves of that. Stay Strong, keep some love in your heart and the rest will sort it self out. And don’t be so hard on yourself.

I’ll do my best to do the same. 

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Quieting those voices

bfmh14-copy2Hey guys,

Now a question I often get asked is how do I stop those voices in the back of my mind? The ones who say that you’re not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough…

Well the answer isn’t a simple one, but here’s my two cents on it. Continue reading

Mania & Hyper-sexuality

First off I just want to thank all the new followers I’ve picked up over the last few days. All of your stories entertain and inspire me every single day. You all help me in ways I cannot describe and it’s made me feel like I’m a part of something greater.  Well now on to last nights festivities.

Well last night I had my biggest manic episode in months. It’s been almost a year since I went crazy like that. I couldn’t sit still. I couldn’t think straight. I was on cloud nine and I felt invincible. My self-esteem sky rockets and I feel that anything was possible. My creative levels went through the roof. I should have detected this was coming because for the last few days I’ve been especially creative and horny. I’m pretty interested in a certain gal and we go back and forth a lot and I don’t know if that was a trigger or not, but it sure was a lot of fun.  Continue reading

Blog For Mental Health 2014

I was reading one of my favourite blogs called Infinite Sadness… or Hope?  It’s created by a wonderfully inspirational woman named Cate from across the Tasman Sea. That’s New Zealand for those of you not from Australia, and I came across a post titled “Blog For Mental Health 2014 (four in four)”. The more I read, I discovered I really liked the idea behind  Blog for Mental Health. It’s a campaign fronted by A Canvas For The Minds and so I signed up straight away. Here is my pledge for 2014.

bfmh14-copy2

“I pledge my commitment to the Blog for Mental Health 2014 Project.
I will blog about mental health topics not only for myself, but for others.
By displaying this badge, I show my pride, dedication, and acceptance for mental health.
I use this to promote mental health education in the struggle to erase stigma.”

Continue reading

Video Series: Depression: Random musings on living with Mental Illness

Hey guys,

I got a little emotional filming this one. I’m on the tail end of a major depressive episode, and I wanted to chronicle it and share my experiences with you all. I don’t mean to come across as pretentious. So far the experience has been very rewarding and also terrifying. But it’s all about growth and shedding the stigma behind mental illness.

As always, this is my experience so don’t take my words as gospel. Just reach out to someone, the rewards far outweigh the risks.

I believe in you, and you’re never alone even though it feels like it sometimes.

So… Check out the video and let me know what you think. I’d really appreciate the feedback.

Continue reading