Untitled.

I don’t want to lie here thinking about you.
I don’t want to wonder what I must have done wrong because that’s the only possible reason you haven’t been talking to me lately.
I hate being this self absorbed but I cannot help it.
I don’t want to have a thought about you come creeping into my head while I’m trying to sleep.
I don’t want you invading my dreams just to taunt me further.
I cannot deny I’m crazy about you.
Hell maybe I’m actually crazy.
I needed to get this out of my system.
I need to know you’re okay.
I need you to say something, even if it’s just something horrible like “I’m sorry Adam I can’t talk to you anymore”
I used to think ignorance is bliss but it’s the silence that kills me.
I hate feeling so god damn needy.
I hate how starved for love I must be, that on the rare occasions I actually feel something it becomes something that swallows me whole and makes me so damn insecure.
I want to slow down and take a deep breath but I don’t know how. It’s never really been my style.
I hate being so damn intense.
Maybe it’s a subconscious way of self sabotaging a future relationship.
Or maybe, just maybe, I just think way too fucking much.
I don’t want to write soppy romantic poetry that doesn’t even touch the surface of how this feels for me sometimes.
I just want a chance to make you happy.
I just want you.

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Music is my Barometer aka the Escapist Blog

Hey guys,

Well I’m sitting here listening to White Zombie’s La Sexorcisto Devil Music Vol.1, yeah that’s right 1992’s finest! Actually this album brings back a lot of memories for me. I must admit, while trying my hardest to distract myself for my lack of love life, I’ve been feeling somewhat nostalgic. Been listening to a lot of old music I listened to in my teens and it’s amazing how music can trigger memories. It’s feels a lot like muscle memory how something like a particular bear or a riff can remind you of a different time taking you out of the here and now.

My fucking god I love music. It takes me on such an emotional journey. It can take me from the lowest lows to the highest of highs. Continue reading

Blog For Mental Health 2014

I was reading one of my favourite blogs called Infinite Sadness… or Hope?  It’s created by a wonderfully inspirational woman named Cate from across the Tasman Sea. That’s New Zealand for those of you not from Australia, and I came across a post titled “Blog For Mental Health 2014 (four in four)”. The more I read, I discovered I really liked the idea behind  Blog for Mental Health. It’s a campaign fronted by A Canvas For The Minds and so I signed up straight away. Here is my pledge for 2014.

bfmh14-copy2

“I pledge my commitment to the Blog for Mental Health 2014 Project.
I will blog about mental health topics not only for myself, but for others.
By displaying this badge, I show my pride, dedication, and acceptance for mental health.
I use this to promote mental health education in the struggle to erase stigma.”

Continue reading

Video Series: Seeking a psychiatrist and random musings (as always)

Hey guys,

Just recorded an update for my Video Series. In this vlog I discuss my journey and my latest decision to seek a psychiatrist. So… Check out the video and let me know what you think. I’d really appreciate the feedback.

I’m still new at this, but I’m getting over the nerves thank god. It’s really helping to build my confidence, which can only be a good thing.

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