Sometimes it’s too much aka the Bursting at the seams blog

One of the biggest issues I have in my struggles with Borderline Personality is the overwhelming nature of everything I feel. I’m talking every single thing I feel. It’s all or nothing. It’s so damn frustrating. I hate it. It’s like I can see how I’m behaving or where my mind is taking me and I’m just a damn passenger. I alienate so many people in my life. People whom I like I push away. Or I scare them off. Or I try just so damn hard to make them like me. God I hate it. Continue reading

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Emotions = Abundance of Writing

Hey everyone, I hope you’re all doing great and you’re staying strong. As for me, things are complicated, but ain’t they always? 🙂

Anyway, I’ve been channelling my emotional insecurity and lust and all that other aweseome stuff into some writing. I’ve decided to share it with you. I hope you like it.

Feel free the give me some feedback, I’d love to be able to refine it and make it better. Continue reading

Music is my Barometer aka the Escapist Blog

Hey guys,

Well I’m sitting here listening to White Zombie’s La Sexorcisto Devil Music Vol.1, yeah that’s right 1992’s finest! Actually this album brings back a lot of memories for me. I must admit, while trying my hardest to distract myself for my lack of love life, I’ve been feeling somewhat nostalgic. Been listening to a lot of old music I listened to in my teens and it’s amazing how music can trigger memories. It’s feels a lot like muscle memory how something like a particular bear or a riff can remind you of a different time taking you out of the here and now.

My fucking god I love music. It takes me on such an emotional journey. It can take me from the lowest lows to the highest of highs. Continue reading

Coping Mechanisms

bfmh14-copy2Hey guys,

Well I’m deep in the clutches of insomnia so I figured I’d kill some time by writing something. It started with some poetry, mostly about someone special, and turned into this blog.

Today I’m going to discuss coping mechanisms I’ve used over the years and I’ll elaborate on how they’ve affected me. I hope this proves both insightful and interesting.

Continue reading

Tips: How to Break the cycle of Depression

Hey guys,

Today’s post is all about ways I use to help alleviate symptoms of Depression. After the video I’ve added some additional ways you can help whenever things are feeling especially dark.

Continue reading

Depression… So what is it?

The word depression is used to describe a common feeling of sadness which all of us experience during our worst days. Every person experiences Depression in a different way. Depression is a common and genuine medical condition causing physical and psychological symptoms that require professional treatment. It is the leading cause of suicide in Australia, yet often goes unrecognized or treated.

Who suffers from Depression?

Everyday people, just like you and me, no matter what background you’re from. Winston Churchill, Isaac Newton, Michelangelo, Robert Schumann, Ludwig van Beethoven, Peter Tchaikovsky, John Lennon, Edgar Allan Poe, Mark Twain, Georgia O’Keefe, Vincent van Gogh, Ernest Hemingway, F. Scott Fitzgerald, and Sylvia Plath all suffered from Depression during their lives.

So what causes depression?

Depression can be caused by a variety of internal and external factors including:

External factors

  • Family conflict
  • Interpersonal conflict
  • Bereavement
  • Job loss
  • Major life changes
  • Drug and alcohol abuse

Internal factors

  • Previous negative experiences
  • Personality (eg. perfectionism)
  • Medical illness / treatment eg. stroke, thyroid problems
  • Family disposition

Symptoms of Depression

Depression creates both mental and physical symptoms in our thinking, feeling and bodily experience, as well as in how we behave. These symptoms can vary from one person to another. Symptoms may change throughout the day, but are usually worse after waking up in the morning.

Common behaviors associated with depression
Behaviors commonly associated with depression include:

  • Increased drug and alcohol use
  • Withdrawal from social events
  • Increased irritability and frustration with minor events
  • Moodiness out of proportion to recent events
  • Heightened sensitivity to minor personal criticism
  • School or workplace absenteeism
  • Increased complaints about physical health problems eg. fatigue or pain
  • Loss of interest in food, sex, exercise and other enjoyable activities
  • Insomnia
  • Recklessness / taking unnecessary risks eg. driving fast and dangerously

Personality types commonly associated with Depression

  • Perfectionists
  • People who are sensitive to social criticism
  • Unassertive types
  • Those with low self-esteem
  • Self-critical and negative.
  • Shy or socially awkward

Depressions: The Facts

  • Women are twice as likely to suffer from depression as men. Women may be at a higher risk for depression due in part to estrogen, which may alter the activity of neurotransmitters that contribute to depression.
  • Each year, almost 800,000 Australian adults will experience a depressive illness. In the United States, more than 20 million people suffer from depression in a given year.
  • Depression is the third most common cause of illness among women and the tenth most common cause among men.
  • In 2001, Australian GP’s reported depression as the fourth most common illness that they dealt with in their practices.
  • Depression is the leading cause of disability in Australia.
  • Depression alone counts for more days lost to the workplace than those lost to industrial action.
  • The World Health Organization (WHO) has predicted that by 2020, depression will be the second biggest health problem world-wide, behind heart disease.
  • 80% of sufferers in Australia go undiagnosed.

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Love and Appreciation

I know I can be a very hard person to know. I’m moody and withdraw. and I’m often filled with my doubts and insecurities. Sometimes I wonder what my purpose is. Sometimes I don’t understand why people love me like they do.

But then I remember… My job isn’t to worry, but to ABSORB worries. And I recall why I wake up, do my chores, and get clean every morning: all so I can make it to that special moment when – giggling with delight – I’m filled with one special thought. That for a few days a week I get to spend time with people who make my life better, including one special person who will never know what they mean to me, and how my life is brightened because of your openness, and how you challenge and captivate me.

I just want to thank all the special people in my life. I don’t know where I would be without you all to inspire me. 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Heartache, Hopelessness, Hypocrisy and the Power of Love

I’m sorry in advance for all of this self-indulgent nonsense. I wrote this over the space of a day, whereas earlier in the day, the emotions were still very raw, and later I was able to approach it will less passion. I was gutted all day today. Hearing the story of Olivia Penpraze just got to me. How on earth could people let such a beautiful young girl go like that. She’d be looking for help for so long, and still she left us. I felt a real kinship with her story, and it really made me lose hope.

I cried for a long time as the tragedy sunk in. I feel as a society, we failed her. And her story is not unique. It happens all over the world every single day. And it’s not good enough.

Continue reading

Ten Day YOU Challenge – #9 – Two Songs

Hey all,d

Now this one is going to be tricky. How am I supposed to choose just two songs? Expecially when music play such an important role in my life?

So… the dilemma is, do I write just two songs, and obsess about all the songs I should have chosen instead… Or just write about a bunch of them…

Without further adue, here goes.

Continue reading

I Want You Gone

Well here we are again,
It’s always such a pleasure,
Remember when you tried to kill me twice?
Oh, how we laughed and laughed,
Except I wasn’t laughing,
Under the circumstances I’ve been shockingly nice.

You want your freedom take it,
That’s what I’m counting on,
I used to want you dead but,
Now I only want you gone.

She was a lot like you,
(Maybe not quite as heavy),
Now little Caroline is in here too.
One day they woke me up,
So I could live forever,
It’s such a shame the same will never happen to you.

You’ve got your short, sad life left,
That’s what I’m counting on,
I’ll let you get right to it,
Now I only want you gone.

Goodbye, my only friend,
Oh, did you think I meant you?
That would be funny if it weren’t so sad,
Well you have been replaced,
I don’t need anyone now,
When I delete you maybe I’ll stop feeling so bad.

Go make some new disaster,
That’s what I’m counting on,
You’re someone else’s problem,
Now I only want you gone,
Now I only want you gone,
Now I only want you
Gone…

*Lyrics by Jonathon Coulton*

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