Distractions aka You can’t hide forever

As those who have been reading my blogs as of late can attest, I have been going through a bit lately especially in regards to emotional instability. I haven’t been like this in what feels like ages. Maybe this is what I get for not taking my meds for a few days.

Anyway, I’ve been devoting a lot of my time to trying to find ways to think about something else.. hell anything else really. I’ve discovered some awesome new bloggers on WordPress, and also been channeling all of the anxiety and tension and god awful neediness into writing more and more. In fact, I haven’t written this much in ages. So I have that to be thankful for at least.

Continue reading

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Love and Bipolar

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Earlier tonight I was speaking with a friend and we were discussing his relationship with his significant other. He told me how insignificant she makes him feel and that no matter how hard he tries, it’s never good enough for her. My words of advice were simple.. I said “Dude, just leave.” We talked for an hour about how sad he feels and also how he can’t imagine his life without her. So I asked him if he liked being sad and he said no. So it really is that simple. If you’re unhappy, change things. Talk about how you feel and if they feel the same way, they will meet you half way.

You see, relationships are complicated but at the same time simple. It’s about communication and compromise. If the wants and desires are lopsided and based on making just one person happy, then it’s doomed to fail. I’ve had relationships last for years based purely on the sex. I’ve stuck with girls that I’ve never loved but hoped  that one day I might. Having such an extreme emotional spectrum, makes things hard for me, but unlike a lot of other people, I learn from my mistakes.  Continue reading

It’s never too late aka Bipolar Musings

It’s never too late…
To be happy.
To chase a dream.
To make a change.
To decide what really matters to you.
To shed the immaterial.
To cast aside the petty and unimportant.
To love yourself.
To love others.
To laugh.
To smile.
To grow.
To sing.
To dance.
To let go.
To move past the pain of the past.
To forgive yourself.
To forgive others.
To create.
To inspire and be inspired.
To embrace a new day. A new you.
To be whatever you choose to be.
To look after yourself.
To care for others.
To take that first step.

Be it a decision or a choice, after you take that first step, you’ll never look back. It’s never too late to be who you really are. To be who you want to be. We all know deep down who we want to be, not what others or society expects us to be. We are all meant to be unique, to be different. Not to be carbon copies of the celebrities were conditioned to worship, nor to strive for wealth, status and power just to feel good about ourselves. If you strive for such things, own the choice you’ve made. No one should hold it against you.

Like a pebble rolling down a hill, belief and determination can become a landslide. Change, besides life and death are the constants of the universe.

No matter how trapped you feel you are not powerless.

No situation leaves you without a choice, even if it is the hardest decisions you’ve ever had to make. I believe happiness is worth the risk. Change is worth the risk. The decision itself is the hardest part.

YOU are worth the risk.

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Exercise is awesome!

Hey guys,
Well things are going swimmingly for me right now. Where normally I’d anticipate things turning dark eventually, but I’m so full of energy that I can’t help but be excited about where the future is going to take me. Circumstantially, not a lot is different. The only thing that is different… is me. And that’s the point.

I’m actually happy. It’s feels strange to say it, even now. But I cannot deny how it feels. I haven’t had a cigarette in 11 days, and I’m getting fitter with every passing day. I’m starting to see results already and I can’t help but feel invigorated by all these changes I’m making in my life.

For the first time in a long time I’m excited. Continue reading

Change. It starts with YOU.

Hey guys,

People frequently want to change something in their lives. Maybe you’ve gained a lot of weight, or have been struggling with a bad habit like smoking or drugs. Other people have had enough of certain relationships that have become toxic, or they have emotional issues that have made them miserable for years.  The question I  have is:

If we want to change our lives so badly, why can’t we just do it, and transform into the person we want to be?

The simple fact is that lasting change is possible. I’m living proof. But it’s only after you realize the emotional, mental, and physical steps that you will need to take first, can you hope to succeed. You need the commitment towards the idea of actually changing, and follow it through with all every ounce of effort possible, knowing that when you succeed it will be better for your health and well being. But if you get to understand how it works before starting your journey towards change, it multiplies your chances of success.

Naturally, there will be barriers to overcome before you embark on the change process. As adults, many of us fear life changes and the uncertainty it brings. But understanding and analyzing fear is the first step towards dissolving it. When you aren’t scared anymore, the idea of changing suddenly becomes much more appealing. Continue reading

Tips: How to Break the cycle of Depression

Hey guys,

Today’s post is all about ways I use to help alleviate symptoms of Depression. After the video I’ve added some additional ways you can help whenever things are feeling especially dark.

Continue reading

Breaking the Cycle

Hey guys,

Well here’s my the first video in what I somewhat arrogantly called my “Self Help” series. I don’t presume to have all the answers, but I’d like to do anything I can to help others. It’s a little hard to explain, and sure I may even be arrogant to presume that anyone would even care what I have to say, on any given topic. But I can’t deny, I love being able to put myself out there, which is something I could never have done a few years back.

Anyway, if you care to check out the video I’d be grateful. And if you could, feel free to leave some feedback, or just a comment, so I know that you’re at least getting something out of it, even if it’s something minor.

Thanks again for coming along with me on my adventure.

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The future can be bright if you can make that change.

Hey guys,

I’m gonna try to make a bit of a transition in regards to my blogging and videos for YouTube. I wanna make it more about helping other people and less about talking entirely about myself. It felt self-indulgent and arrogant to talk about myself in such a matter. So I’m going to do my best to talk tips and tricks about helping with symptoms of Anxiety and various Mood Disorders. I also wanna try to lighten the mood a little and go into things I really love.

If you can stomach it, I rambled on about it in my latest video. Thanks again for you all for coming along on the latest leg of my journey.  Continue reading

The Beast has Returned…

Hey guys,

Sorry I’ve been neglecting the blog. I’ve just been in a bad place, and I really haven’t felt much like writing. It’s all my own doing of course, being attached to people and feeling unsure of my place in the greater scheme of things. I’ve come to realize how easy it is to believe that change is possible, especially when you’re in a good place. But the real challenge lies in continuing on when the dark clouds roll in. Continue reading

Mission Accomplished???

Hey guys…

Well let my start by putting it simply. I’m happy. For the first time in a long time, I’m genuinely happy. I’m excited about where the future is taking me. It’s not happiness based on any exterior source. For once, it’s all on me.

Instead of looking at life in terms of what was missing, what I’d lost, what I needed.. I look at what I have, who I am and what’s to come. I wasn’t an immediate process. No change really is. But I’ve done it. But as much I want to declare that I’m “cured” I’m approaching it realistically, as opposed to getting too swept up in the positivity and amazing feeling I get from all this. I’ve given up smoking. I’ve started regular exercise and I’ve already lost weight. Finally I feel I can really change my life. It’s not something I hoped for, but something I’m working towards.

Destiny is bullshit. We make our own lives. And I was tired of living in the shadow of a childhood where I felt something as simple as love and support was missing. Because what happened in the past is exactly that. In the past. And so I made a choice. And everyday since I made that choice, I find even more reasons to smile. And I don’t remember ever feeling so alive. It’s like the cliche says, The weight of the world is off my shoulders.

I have a gift and it’s my responsibility to share with the world. I can use everything I’ve been through and use my life experience to help those heading in a similar direction to my own.

I’ve been a part of a workshop for disadvantaged teens and I’ve been sharing my experiences with them. The goal is to try and steer them away from where my journey took me. Perhaps I never would have gotten into the sex, drugs and alcohol if I’d had someone talk to me at their age. I look at their faces and I see what I’m telling them hitting a chord. The hardest thing I suppose is seeing those who have no intention of listening. But I remind myself it’s not about me, it’s about them. And some eggs are harder to crack. I can’t blame them. I was the same at their age.

It took me til my 30’s to realize that I had to want to get better, that I had to want to talk about everything that had happened to me.. To lay low all the dirty secrets I’d felt so ashamed to share with anyone, let alone a whole class of people. But if I can help even one person, it will all be worth it.

I finally have found my calling. Helping others makes me feel something unlike I’ve ever known… I’m finally at peace with it all. Finally ready to share my gift with the world.

My time is now. 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