Scars aka The not the End of Days blog

Hey guys,

I know it’s been ages. There’s even been a bunch of times where I’ve started to write something, lost my chain of thought/was uninspired/or just plain lazy, and deleted it. Like so many things in my life, I went into it with the best of intentions. But again I fell flat on my face. 

But it’s not the end of the world every time I fail. I’ve had to remind myself of that a lot over the years. When my depression and anxiety gets too much for me and I cut myself to relieve the pain, it’s not the end of the world. If anything my self harming has decreased over the years. But like all my other methods I’ve tried over the years to fight off the darkness, there’s no quick fix. I have remind myself to celebrate the little victories, even if I have the scars to show for it. 

Again, it’s not the end of the world. 

Or when my emotions get the better of me and I can’t stand it. Or when I think about Cass everyday, and I’m lonely as all hell and desperate to not feel so damn alone. It’s not the end of the world. I know things are not ideal but I’m fortunate enough to actually care for somebody. I have love in my heart and it helps me find the strength to stay strong. 

Long gone are my days of escaping how I feel. Now I confront them as best as I can. Emotions are not meant to be hidden away. They’re meant to be celebrated. Even the negative ones, like sorrow, heartbreak and pain have reminded me that the positive emotions are worth all the risk. Sure I miss talking to her when it’s been a while, but nothing is like the joy it brings me every time I think of her. 

Sure my life hasn’t always been rosy, but it’s not the end of the world. My pain is not going to kill me. It exists to remind me of where I’ve been and to keep me moving on. Pain is very real, I have the scars to prove it, but it is not who I am. 

Sometimes I think we’d all do better if we reminded ourselves of that. Stay Strong, keep some love in your heart and the rest will sort it self out. And don’t be so hard on yourself.

I’ll do my best to do the same. 

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Putting Yourself First aka The You Matter Too Blog

I’ve always seen my own value through the eyes of others. I’ve tried to be the best friend/confidant I can be. I take pride on always being there for my loved ones, my friends, hell even strangers. I don’t like knowing anyone is suffering or in pain. I like to think the best thing about me is my compassion, my empathy for others.

Mind you, I haven’t always been the best friend either. There’s been plenty of times I’ve had my head stuck up my own ass that I couldn’t see outside my walls and bubbles I live in when the time calls for it. But that doesn’t mean I don’t care. It doesn’t mean that I don’t love you. But sometimes I have to put myself first.

In fact, I should do it more often. Continue reading